It’s Podcasting Day again, and I hope you all have your pods ready for casting. Imagine if you didn’t. Imagine if you weren’t prepared to cast a pod at all – you’d be so embarrassed. Friends would mock you, family would abandon you, dogs would attack you in the street sensing your innate weakness. Luckily that’s not you: You’re ready for Michael Swaim to join Seanbaby and Brockway in carefully critiquing the plot structures of Ready Player Two.*
You might remember Michael Swaim from the internet, which you’re currently on. He’s classed up joints like Cracked and IGN, and hosts his own perpetual funk jam band called Small Beans. Dude even writes killer fiction. We’re calling him the total package, basically, which is very different from the time we called him a total package.
If you like receiving steamy hot dog deliveries weekly now, remember to share the podcast with your friends, subscribe through the app of your choice (we like PodPeople and CastDatAss, personally), and leave a glowing review that describes our biceps as “like they’ve got hams up their sleeves – like they’re about to do some sort of ham-based magic trick.”
*Mercilessly savaging every single element of it, from awkward prose to offensive characters to the hackneyed references peppering every page like George Peppard from the hit 1983 television show, The A-Team . No really, I mean we absolutely tear it apart like somebody set loose a pack of baboons in a daycare for the blind. It’s hard to feel good about the things we did to this one.
Podcast novelization cover by Brett Ellefson
5 replies on “Podcasting Day: Ready Player Two with Michael Swaim 🌭”
Swaim, you missed out on Gun and Sex VR, it’s fucking hilarious. You shoot bad guys while getting your dick sucked, and it ends with going to the international space station.
I read a few chapters of Armada, and I think he references the characters in Star Wars more than the actual characters in Star Wars refer to each other.
Swaim is the Lex Luger of internet comedy.
i was honestly shocked that “wooden blowjob machine” wasn’t the personality of the romantic interest in the book
Wait, Magnum PI’s Detroit Lions ball cap? LIONS? Tom Selleck wore a Detriot Tigers hat. The Lions are Detroit’s FOOTBALL team.
In an entire book where the whole shtick is being an encyclopedic authority on old pop culture junk, he couldn’t get not only that detail right, but can’t even get the sport right?
Like…that’s something that would have taken 5 seconds to look up if you weren’t sure. It’s also something any editor should have picked up on. There’s a hundred spots in the book where you realize that either he’s too big for an editor, or the editor just didn’t give a shit.
(I highly recommend you check out Mike Nelson’s podcast “372 Pages We’ll Never Get Back” that mocks bad books. First book he covered was Ready Player One, and currently it’s Ready Player Two. A chapter by chapter takedown of this stupid fucking pop culture phenomenon)