Upsetting Day: Michael Jackson Speaks from Heaven

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7 replies on “Upsetting Day: Michael Jackson Speaks from Heaven”

Funny thing, I was living across the street from the hospital where Jackson died and walked out one day to find a crowd of hundreds of people basically outside my door. This must have been a few hours after he died and already there were guys selling shirts commemorating his death, which they must have put together either way in advance or literally hours before.

My point is, if you told me Matthew hammered out this book as fast as humanly possible the minute he got word that a celebrity was worm food, and that he’s since written drafts for hundreds of others, each basically identical and dedicated to a different celebrity like the most high effort, low reward death pool ever, I’d believe it.

Fuck, I thought it was the pitcher of woo-hoo and the spicy sauce messing me up. I didn’t actually think the ghost of lincoln visited me in a Bedfordshire Nandos.

He loves the site, by the way. He scored four out of four, I think. Honestly I was fading out pretty hard.

Michael was a Jehovah’s Witness, so he believed all but 198 believers will burn in Hell because they weren’t righteous enough. And something something Michael the archangel, bible college was strange and I’m too lazy to look it up.
Plus, dude had a monkey, a giraffe and a Ferris wheel. He already lived in heaven on Earth.

“On earth, I was a real perfectionist – if I did something, it had to perfect.”

Well, I’m glad to see he got past that in Heaven.

That sentence is a goddamn koan and i can’t stop thinking about it. Because it’s actually a perfect joke, but if it really is perfect, then no it isn’t. I wake up at night thinking about this shit.

The reviews of this book on Amazon are crazy, too. I’m hoping I just don’t understand sarcasm anymore.

I’m definitely putting that God threat in my next book. That’s gotta help get sales up

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