Author: Robert Brockway

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Dog Police with Fryda Wolff 🌭

When I said I wanted to do a whole podcast on the 3-minute long novelty song “Dog Police,” Seanbaby said “you’re gonna get a whole podcast out of that?” and then immediately added “Fryda Wolff would love it.” 

He was right! Fryda loves Dog Police first and foremost, but second to that she is a talented voice actor who dominates video games and animation, so every time we trick her into doing an impression here she’s working for free! That makes this entire podcast a violation of labor laws, and we its corrupt union-busting capitalist pigs. Follow Fryda here so she can at least say she’s working for exposure. 

There is so much Dog Policing to cover. Origin stories, videos, TV shows! The song got TV shows! Plural! The world almost went nuts for Dog Police, but then did not. The Dog Police they actually filmed was-

Hold on, I can sense your confusion. I keep saying “Dog Police” and you keep thinking “but which one? There are so many cinematic dog police, and I know them all by heart – they’re each and every one totally charming. Can you specify?” 

Of course-

You can throw us a bone and subscribe here, or you could leave us a rather fetching review that will leave tongues wagging about what good boys we are! Please don’t specifically mention it’s in regard to that time we did an entire podcast about the dogfucking song. That’s not a pun, it is a genuine plea.

Store update! Did you know 1-900-🌭 has a mascot? Us neither! He just… he just showed up one day. We don’t even know his name. Can you help explain this, or at least buy his shirts? Maybe that will make him happy, there’s honestly no way of knowing. 

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Congo with Lydia Bugg 🌭

You’ve had today marked on your calendar, but you never knew why. Circled in red, a crude eye in the margins, as though drawn by primate fingers. “Herkermer?” You wrote, certain you were having a stroke. But no, you just knew deep down that today…

Is Congo Day!

Lydia Bugg joins us to discuss the best ape adventure ever produced, though perhaps “discuss” is the wrong word, since most of this podcast is wild hooting. “Produced” doesn’t feel right, it feels more like they got the cast drunk in the jungle for two uneventuful weeks, and then, on the 15th day, ambushed them in ape costumes. Oh man, “adventure” is certainly the wrong word, but there’s no right one since an ape does a flip into lava to avoid a laser in this movie – all words are failures in the face of that majesty. 

Come, experience Congo with us. Learn why all apes instinctively fear Laura Linney.

In celebration of Congo Day, our new community holiday, we’re bringing back LAVA APES OF THE LOST CITY – the piece of Congo merch we had designed for no reason, many months before doing actual Congo content. 

Be like Laura Linney and burn the ape of complacency by subscribing to our podcast, and then be like the ape, and do a sick flip into lava. You, of course, understand that the sick flip is your endorsement, and the lava is the internet. You’re leaving us a review. You get that. It was dumb to explain it.

Podcast illustrated by Brett Ellefson

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Think Big with Hana Michels 🌭

Welcome to Podcasting Day. It’s time to play our final Barbarian Game, this time with the 1989 trucker movie, Think Big! 

If you’re just joining us, this is where Brockway watches a movie starring the Barbarian Brothers (identical twins whose claim to fame was being huge and similar) and tasks Seanbaby and a guest with recreating it blind. We could think of no better barbarian to play us home than Hana Michels, who brings benevolent chaos wherever she goes. She spent this entire podcast fighting a feral cat!

That’s not a joke! 

That’s real!

You will definitely hear it happen!

That’s the kind of extra credit chaos our final Barbarian Game deserves. God bless you, Hana Michels. Repay her sacrifices by buying her cat ass jewelry.

That’s also real!

Holy shit.

You can help us get max gains by subscribing here, or wherever you get podcasts. You can get your own heart swole by leaving us a review! You can get cancer by leaving open toxic waste in your truck.

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Traxx, Part 1 🌭

Welcome to a very special Podcasting Day. We’re talking to author and professional literary genius Jason Pargin, whose new book, If This Book Exists, You’re in the Wrong Universe, does exist, and this is the wrong universe. You can buy it up there – you missed it, go back! 

And we’re talking about Traxx – it’s finally Traxx day! Beloved Traxx, perfect Traxx, the 1988 Shadoe Stevens action comedy parody movie intended for… escaped lunatics? Dying bakers? Stand-up vigilantes? It’s unclear. The movie is an amazing puzzle of filmmaking, but with no possible answer. It’s the story of a cookie-baking murderer who wants to give up murder for cookies, but is bad at cookies and good at murder, so he uses murder to fund the cookies. Only it’s an action movie. Starring a DJ. 

Listen: If you’re confused, don’t worry, you can’t find Traxx anywhere and you’ll never get any clarification on anything. We might be making the whole movie up! That seems firmly in character for us. 

We’ve spoken about Traxx briefly in an early podcast, but it just didn’t get the full focused attention it demands. That’s what we’re doing here. Only talking about Traxx. This is a lighthearted podcast about our favorite wacky movie and nothing else. No other things. 

Please murder us on Bakey, or bake us on Murding. You don’t read this part.

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Cool Cat with Adam Ganser 🌭

This week we’re joined by Adam Ganser from the newly relaunched 1upsmanship podcast and the Small Beans Network to talk about making your own passion projects. Specifically, why you shouldn’t do that if you’re Derek Savage. Derek Savage is a weed bro, a gun loon, and an aspiring Harley Dad who might one day afford a Harley: A triple threat guy if every threat was very real and genuine. The thing Derek Savage most wanted to show the world was Cool Cat: An insane mascot for nothing that gives terrible advice and frightens children. Derek Savage also wanted to tell the world he would be down for a sexual relationship with Mommy Cat, but we’ll get into that.

Listen here, or wherever you get podcasts!

Don’t forget to review and subscribe on the Cool Cat podcast network, or wherever you get your podcasts if that somehow doesn’t exist. 

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Flash Gordon with Lydia Bugg 🌭

It’s Podcasting Day, but more importantly – it’s Flash Gordon Day! Please don your golden skull helmets, your starry execution panties, and a very tight shirt with your own name on it. If we don’t respect tradition, who will? Our guest this week is Queen of the Arboreans, Lydia Bugg, who had never seen Flash Gordon before this. Listen to her receive the ultimate gift here, or wherever you get podcasts. 

And now, Flash Gordon from Flash Gordon’s point of view:

Please football us wherever you get your podcasts, and if you’re feeling particularly generous you can leave us a nice football here.