With our combined decades of online publishing experience, we know most people don’t read article intros, especially when the concept is something as simple as “Here are some great 2022 articles.” Which makes this the perfect place to confess this: I am the Upsetting Day Carver. Happy Holidays from me and all of this flesh.
Best of 2022 Upsetting Day #1: Martial Signing by Seanbaby
Sensei Matt was awarded a black belt by a man who taught his students how to “knock people out” with imaginary Karate forces. Sensei Matt then translated this style of Karate into Deaf, and no matter what you think that means, it’s exactly what you’re picturing. There’s nothing like Martial Signing. Nothing.
Best of 2022 Upsetting Day #2: S Rob Magic by Brockway
By entering ridiculous and debunked nonsense into a search engine, Brockway discovered S Rob Magic, a man doing the same thing in reverse. He is a man built entirely out of ridiculous and debunked nonsense. He is a tactical ballpoint pen sorcerer. He grows penises and wealth with demon magic. And none of these are spoilers because there are 370 more twists in this article.
Best of 2022 Upsetting Day #3: Michael Jackson Speaks from Heaven by Lydia Bugg
You’re not going to believe this, but the ghost of Michael Jackson said some very confusing things to a troubled author in a Burger King. “I guess I was sort of murdered, but don’t worry about it,” said the dead King of Pop. Click here to read more! But not about that!
Best of 2022 Upsetting Day #4: 15 Things That Must Have Happened in Fictional Universes by Jason Pargin
As a professional novelist, Jason knows the importance of world building. In this weirdly erotic article, he answers 15 questions about fictional universes the original creators were too lazy or cowardly to ask themselves. It will change the way you describe 9/11 to time travelers forever.
Best of 2022 Upsetting Day #5: Ricky Goes to Church by Seanbaby
It should have been an ordinary eye-searing glance at backwater Christian ventriloquism. But Ricky Goes to Church turned into so much more. It became a research project about the most professional way to put away a screaming dummy. It became a warning to a growing number of people on a puppet’s karate hitlist. And it became a monument to the legacy of that bitch Danny Nailer, killed by puppet karate in 1997. What a year of Upsetting! What a year of Days! Happy Upsetting Days from all of us here at 1900HOTDOG!