Happy holidays! We got you a gift. Don’t worry, you don’t have to get anything for us. We’ve picked the very best Hot Dog articles of 2024 and made them free. We did this because we are generous, because we understand the need for small measures of joy in these insane times, and because this is the only way we advertise. This is what we do instead of paying for auto-playing pop-ups featuring moaning hot dogs. You are our moaning hot dogs. The best way to help is to pick one of the free articles below (not this article – this is just the collection) and share it. If your victim enjoys the madness on display, point them to our patreon for support, or our free archives for a massive collection of hundreds of free articles updating weekly. That’s the gift you give to us. (It’s always a lie when somebody says you don’t have to get them anything. You should know that by now.)
Wake in Fright
Michael Swaim is our go-to guy for truly traumatizing cinema. He’s like the Bane of fucked up movies – he was born in them, molded by them, he didn’t see a good flick until he was already a man! And by then the only thing that could get him off was an Australian dirtbag slitting a kangaroo’s throat. Luckily that happens in this movie.
Baby Clothes for the Unhinged Maniac
Swaim is having a baby! He celebrates this fact by finding every actionable clothing crime committed against babies. He celebrates weird.
Word Chewing
You’ll hate this! If you have a hard time with second-hand embarrassment, clueless social media trends, or that strange cousin who ruins every family reunion, you will hate this. That’s a Hot Dog Guarantee!
Mr. Stitch
Mr. Stitch is not a good movie, but it does have Rutger Hauer tormenting Wil Wheaton in a void, and that’s basically all we ask of a film.
The Chuck E. Cheese Archives
Come learn more about Chuck E. Cheese than you could ever possibly know. All of it will be forgotten! Lost in time, like pizza in a ball pit.