Category: Hot Dog Appreciation Day

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we fuse together like the little machines in Zelda, but no amount of shaking will tear us apart.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where there’s just something special about watching a Spokane sunset with an ice cold Snapple in the back of a Toyota 4Runner with no tailgate and maybe a problematic blanket bought from an unlicensed rug stand in a closed bank’s parking lot.

Sissyneck, the saying is “one man, one ham, one ticket” for a reason.

Sissyneck got a little too comfortable in the Hot Dog Sphere and paid the ultimate price, one we’ve all paid before: The disappointment of a respected librarian.

Sissyneck relates a little too hard to the singing gnome Brockway made up for a one-off joke, but we can’t choose the moments that define us, only how they define us.

Now let’s move on to the Comments, and learn a Nicolas Cage Fact:

It’s tricky getting little sunglasses on a cephalopod, but it probably only cost Nic Cage 2.8 million dollars to manage it.

You know that feeling like the whole world is wrong about something? Like that one time you were certain Teddie Fuxpin, the talking bear with his cock out, wasn’t a thing. But then everyone in group therapy started reminiscing about the specific grade of fur they used to make his wang feel so soft? Yeah, Matthew Harris has that.

Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff will not stop googling himself, and we don’t want him to. Never learn from this, Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff!

Now on to the Discord, where Orneryweevil very nearly realizes the inherent problems in unchecked capitalism, only to swerve at the last minute into some kind of e-jam business.

Mo brought us all MONSTER WARS WEEK, and for that we’ll be eternally grateful. But after reading this sentence-

We do consider the karmic debt paid. We’re even here, Mo.

Last month we would’ve said, with total authority, that there’s no such thing as an uncool monster truck. Predator from MONSTER WARS and this truck Delta Foxtrot found teamed up to prove us wrong.

Thrillho is a little too excited about the new Design Your Own Dick Fighter contest in the Discord. Dick Fight judges do take points off for premature enthusiasm like this.

Prolific Hot Dog artist Brett Ellefson went insane in a perfect way. He caught the brain disease that makes you design cover art for Hot Dog podcasts in the style of Penetrator novels, and there is no cure. RIP Brett Ellefson, he died how he lived: Penetrating.

Obviously nobody put more effort into Hot Dogging this month than Brett Ellefson! So congratulations, Mo, you’re the winner! It simply does not matter how talented, dedicated, or special you are: Nothing beats MONSTER WARS.

You are the new protector of our most precious artifact, that painting of Grace Jones where she looks like a sexual Raiden. Our last winner, Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff, surely took good care of her-

God damn it, Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff! You have disgraced… you… ruined… actually, we’re coming around to it? No, this rules. Turns out Grace can rock anything a Sorbo can’t. She deserves to stay with you, Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff, just like this post deserves to stay at the top of your google results. And hopefully it will, if we just keep typing the words “Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff.”

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll slap on Teddy Fuxpin’s Big Bear Battle Armor with Real Thrusting Action. You know, the one with the recalled codpiece that led to those child maimings? They talked about it in that episode of 60 Minutes “The Little Stuffed Dick That Blinded a Generation.”

Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff!

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we bake cakes of each other’s faces and devour them in secret places.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where the love of a good woman and the love of a good episode of Rockford Files are pretty close, after all.

Our boy’s been having perfectly natural dreams, but public school education failed him and daddy never gave him the Sea-Doo talk.

Sissyneck frequents a restaurant with an “Almost” wall, that narrows it down. He must be in Idaho, the Almost State.

Now let’s move on to the Comments, where we get a new Nicolas Cage Fact!

Who knew, right? Truly life is an adventure in learning.

LyraV is the picture of sincerity, but Sean is uncomfortable with emotional support in a very strange, ultra-specific, extremely relatable way.

There’s perfectly reasonable context for Most Powerful Alex’s comment, but it is wholly unnecessary.

Gabriel Sabloff, the director of Revelation Road, read Lydia’s column on it! His feelings were hurt because a whole team worked on his movie, and as we all know if more than three people work on something it’s not allowed to be bad. Too bad only one person worked on this comment, Gabriel!

Now on to the Discord, where Flippant Sausage entrenches himself in the oldest philosophical debate, while Yeyo becomes mired in the third oldest.

(The second oldest philosophical debate is whether or not God could create a dinosaur hog so huge even he couldn’t crank it.)

TommyG made a Seanbaby action figure, now complete with baby! The baby in no way affects the combat prowess of the Seanbaby action figure.

Yeyo gives Seanbaby the Nathfield treatment. This requires some explanation: Nathen Mazri started a restaurant called Garfield Eats, quickly went insane with that laughable amount of power and lost the rights to Garfield which should be impossible since there are licensed Garfield enemas, then tried to start his own Garfield ripoff but because of the whole insanity thing wound up merging himself with Garfield to create Nathfield. So the joke here is that if Seanbaby went the same kind of insane, but with 1900HOTDOG favorite Heathcliff it would-

You know what? It’s Seanbaby in a funny hat.

The greatest surprise to come out of Seanbaby’s column on the Christian clowning book, God’s Clowns, is that upon further research author Pastor Gaddy was somehow not a murderer. Not only that, he was actually super chill and even proactive about LGBTQ+ rights. Adrienne honored him the only way youth pastors will ever understand – a clumsy rap.

Mo and Badger became best friends after the Godfrey Ho Teamworking Day introduced them to the concepts of Ninja Law and Ninja Justice.

They have since become a powerful foe, their tagteam attack is unblockable and requires impeccable timing to even dodge.

Thrillho was having a little difficulty with Lydia’s “Goop Sex Toy or Modern Art” quiz, so he came to the Discord for help, only to find GDC has a very particular set of skills.

Over on Twitter one of our of favorite artists, Brett Ellefson, made some new Dogg Zzone 9000 fanart! This time about the podcast on… oh no, Todd McFarlane’s Twisted Land of Oz.

You know what? We don’t know art, but we know what gets us hard. This was surprisingly tasteful erotica, Brett. Fantastic work on the packages in particular.

Now it’s time to announce our winner, and it’s… this can’t be right, it’s Revelation Road director and self-googling sadsack Gabriel Sabloff! We were wrong earlier, more than three people must have worked on this comment, meaning it’s great!

Gabriel, you are the new custodian of our most precious artifact: This picture of Grace Jones where she looks like a sexualized Raiden. All we request is that you get at least two more people to help you look after her.

Our previous winner, BorsukKumpelRyb, played a little trick on us by photoshopping the picture so the hat comes down onto her forehead making it look like she’s wearing a vinyl wicker headband as though she studies Patio Karate but holy shit, that was in the original photo!

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll recruit Lydia and beat the shit out of them – they can’t prosecute more than two people for any crime!