1-900-HOTDOG
Seanbaby wanted to invite brilliant filmmaker, writer, and podcaster Abe Epperson from Small Beans on the podcast to discuss cinema. It was a fantastic idea, so we did that! Then he had a second idea: Let’s watch Vince Offer the ShamWow Guy’s sketch collection, The Underground Comedy Movie!
Seanbaby is no longer affiliated with the site.
I don’t know why you would subscribe to our podcast after this. I’m asking you not to leave us a review based on this episode.
“Sometimes love, it’s like a slow dance. But sometimes love… it sounds like a fight. It sounds like an argument, it sounds just like a piledriver.” Are you wondering who said these hauntingly romantic words? Could it have been Emily Brontë? “The Bird Man” Koko B. Ware? Shakespeare? Wait, stop. Go back. You were right the second time. Great work! So you must already know what we’re talking about!
We invited our dear friend, contributor, and wrestling historian, Dennard Dayle on the Dogg Zzone 9000 to discuss the 1987 WWF music video collection: Piledriver: The Wrestling Album II.
Listen here! Or wherever you get podcasts!
You might be wondering, “Wrestling music videos? What, is it like recordings of their entrance music?” Oh my god, no. You’re not even close. These are standalone songs written for this. Songs you’re expected to enjoy(?) that are sort of about wrestlers or inspired by wrestlers or performed by wrestlers, and in one case, written about an unrelated thing after a frustrating phone meeting with wrestlers.
Editor’s Note: We did not change a syllable of this or edit the screenshots in any way. Enjoy the pure, Tito Santana and Rick Martel approved song about not wrestling, but “Girls in Cars.”
If you love this type of high-impact wrestling music, review us on iTunes! Koko us on bWare! Girls us in Cars!
It’s finally here, the day you’ve all been waiting for: It’s the Bloodsport podcast! Again! Bloodsport expert Zak Koonce and Bloodsport professor Vanessa Guerrero joined us, Bloodsport scientist Seanbaby and Bloodsport sommelier Brockway, to talk about Bloodsport for the second time. Why did you assume there would only be one Bloodsport podcast? That would be insane. Brace up for a 3rd-through-50th, we’ll Bloodsport ‘til the world dies.
Side note: Everyone knows the Bloodsport poster rules – it’s all kick and nothing else, because nothing else was needed. But just for fun I’ll show you my other favorite Van Damme movie posters in this writeup.
You might remember the first time we bloodcasted our podsport with Maggie Mae Fish – it was wonderful, perfect. She had never seen the film, and got to experience it for the first time with us as her kumite sherpas. It was an impossible-to-beat achievement in entertainment, much like Bloodsport, but much like Bloodsport II, The Quest, WMAC Masters, Arena, Undisputed, the Mortal Kombat franchise, UFC 1, every third movie starring Jean Claude Van Damme, and every single movie starring Don “The Dragon” Wilson – that didn’t stop us trying.
For the first Bloodsport podcast we introduced a smart young woman to the best Van Damme movie that doesn’t feature time travel or a sassy lost twin, then got her fresh take on a wonderfully dumb old movie aimed at men.
This time we’re going with experience – Bloodsport blackbelts only, discussing the ways that Bloodsport shaped the people, and unstoppable fighting machines, that we’d become.
There’s no further agenda for bringing Bloodsport up again! This is a safe and easy podcast. Stop checking for conceptual traps, weird twists, and sudden dives into other genres. It’s just Bloodsport, buddy. Kicks and stuff!
Relax.
In arcades, as in life, whenever you ever see 2 to 4 men punching their way through mohawks, you are guaranteed a good time. It’s Dogg Zzone 9000 Day, bad dudes, and we welcomed our very own website’s illustrator, Rusty Shackles, to discuss the greatest of video game genres: ’90s beat ’em ups.
Like getting you and your brother’s girlfriend back from the gang who stole her, the rules of our beat ’em up discussion were simple. If you want to play along at home, here are the controls:
You can listen here or wherever you get podcasts, but if you’re a real shadow warrior Patron, you can listen to the bonus podcast where Rusty and Brockway try to identify a series of increasingly insane video game quotes. If you want to avoid spoilers for the main show, don’t look at these kickass arcade flyers for our badass top choices! Like us on Review, and Double us on Dragon! Thanks!
Footnotes:
This stupid thing…
… and this goddamn stupid thing.
Podcast novelization cover by Brett Ellefson
When I said I wanted to do a whole podcast on the 3-minute long novelty song “Dog Police,” Seanbaby said “you’re gonna get a whole podcast out of that?” and then immediately added “Fryda Wolff would love it.”
He was right! Fryda loves Dog Police first and foremost, but second to that she is a talented voice actor who dominates video games and animation, so every time we trick her into doing an impression here she’s working for free! That makes this entire podcast a violation of labor laws, and we its corrupt union-busting capitalist pigs. Follow Fryda here so she can at least say she’s working for exposure.
There is so much Dog Policing to cover. Origin stories, videos, TV shows! The song got TV shows! Plural! The world almost went nuts for Dog Police, but then did not. The Dog Police they actually filmed was-
Hold on, I can sense your confusion. I keep saying “Dog Police” and you keep thinking “but which one? There are so many cinematic dog police, and I know them all by heart – they’re each and every one totally charming. Can you specify?”
Of course-
You can throw us a bone and subscribe here, or you could leave us a rather fetching review that will leave tongues wagging about what good boys we are! Please don’t specifically mention it’s in regard to that time we did an entire podcast about the dogfucking song. That’s not a pun, it is a genuine plea.
Store update! Did you know 1-900-🌭 has a mascot? Us neither! He just… he just showed up one day. We don’t even know his name. Can you help explain this, or at least buy his shirts? Maybe that will make him happy, there’s honestly no way of knowing.
In 1999, trend-chasing producers tried to add pro wrestling and horniness to American Gladiators, a thing already pretty horny and pro wrestly. They called their monster Battle Dome.
To make sense of where they went right, but mostly very wrong, we invited World Wide Web funnyman, Mark “Bad Candy Mark” Mahoney, onto the Dogg Zzzone to discuss it. Which was very lucky because he owns the only existing copy of Battle Dome, a homemade DVD rip he bought from a man who stole it from a library. As you may have suspected by how you’ve never heard of Battle Dome, the world realized immediately there was no place in civilization for whatever Battle Dome was.
Listen here! Or wherever you get podcasts!
You’re welcome for explaining Battle Dome! True warriors battle us on Like and dome us on Subscribe! Plus, our online store is a real hot dog treat!
