When three pop culture luminaries such as us and Gamefully Unemployed‘s David Bell get together, three things are going to happen: someone is going to mention zombies, someone is going to have opinions on zombies, and then everyone is going to accidentally write the ultimate zombie movie or ongoing series (TBD). Well, that’s exactly what happened here!
Please subscribe and leave a (fucking sweet) review! And join our Patreon to hear the bonus podcast where David and Sean play a powerful round of Brockway’s Brainfuck Your Way to Godhood.
*For footnotes and sources see all zombie fiction ever produced.
Please give a rewarmed Hot Dog welcome to comedian, filmmaker, and former professional online hookup broker, Teresa Lee! She’s joining us on the podcast this week, where Seanbaby shows his affection the only way he knows how: By attacking her psyche with a cursed book from his library of things that should never be. It’s actually a pretty good system – if she flees, that’s totally understandable. But if she stays, we’re automatic best friends because it’s like going through war together.
This time we’re discussing How to Pick Up Girls at a Con by the Night Kid$, a group of Instagram-cute nerd boys trying to be pickup artists but finding out mid-book that they don’t have the pickup part, or the artist part. It’s full of advice that is, best case, insultingly obvious, and most case, painfully problematic. Every page of it is thick with insufferable anime puns. It exclusively refers to women as waifus.
We’re probably not getting a new best friend out of this one.
By default, Amazon’s “Sample This Book” function pulls 10% of your total book for a sample. Here is the sample for How to Pick Up Girls at a Con. This is 10% of the entire book.
There’s 10% of everything the Night Kid$ know about women. Anyway, remember to wash your ass before you subscribe to the podcast here, and then there is no second thing before you leave us a review here.
It’s Dogg Zzone 9000 Day, and we’re excited to have Ex-Heroes and Paradox Bound author, Peter Clines, on the show to discuss a genre classic worthy of his expert attention: 1995’s Bloody Muscle Bodybuilder in Hell aka The Japanese Evil Dead.
Listen here!
For more than an hour, we talk about the hour long feature film– its bold take on rising action, its revolutionary ideas on character development, and its ground-breaking special effects. Hear our thoughts on the unforgettable movie villain, Foothand.
Listen to us mourn the death of unforgettable movie villain, Handhead.
As the stakes diminish, every part of the only bad guy is killed several times! It’s the ultimate horror spectacle! And if you’re a true 🌠champion and support us on Patreon, you can listen to our bonus podcast where it’s Brockway vs. Clines in Seanbaby’s Book Game as their outrageousness battles against fate in Barbara Ann Kipfer’s 1,001 Ways to Live WILD.
Subscribe and leave a review or you’ll be forced to use your muscles to defeat your father’s dead mistress over, and over, and over, and over!
In 1984, Marvel Comics launched an ambitious series of 12 text-adventure games complete with tie-in comic book lines starring their flagship characters. It was a huge release not to be taken lightly, so they teamed up with a company called Adventure Interactive run by Scott Adams, total lunatic.
For the very first installment in this massive crossover event, he chose to build a text-based puzzle adventure game starring… The Hulk. You know, the character who solves all puzzles with smashing, and can barely speak? Scott Adams then designed a tiny looping meta-prison and set him off on a psychedelic non-adventure about gem collecting and digging holes. It never went anywhere near sense, and it gassed you every time you tried to use your Hulk powers.
That was the best way Scott Adams’ broken brain knew to communicate his plight to the outside world. This was not a game, it was a plea for help filtered through the corrupted logic centers of a man who’d almost certainly been poisoned by the dangerous metals inside early home computers. Here are all the images you’ll need to decipher the visual code he uses to beg for death.
Don’t forget to dig us a hole (that’s mercury poisoning for subscribe) and then ants attack eyes (cadmium poisoning for review).
It’s Wednesday, a day for hot dogs to use their voices, not their keyboards. But this Wednesday, they also use… their hearts. Their fucking restless ones.
Zak Koonce, our dear friend and theme song performer from Auralnauts, returns for a passionate battle of pop culture where he, Brockway, and Seanbaby bring three songs from movies about the movies they’re in and let them clash.
Of course, no competition would have meaning without rules. Competitors must have restless hearts, are disqualified on lonely nights, and the penalty for not knowing these are lyrics from the Running Man song is execution by Game Zone.
Also, by order of Game Zone, we also have some new regulations. Expository theme songs are now judged by the following three turgid criteria:
1. WRONG UNIVERSE:
If you stepped into another universe and performed this song, what would those people do? Lose their minds? Kill you? Declare you Music President? A low score would be anything less than all of the above.
2. WRONG MOVIE:
You finished your song right before the studio came in with big notes. The film now has an unrecognizably new plot, theme, and genre. How fucked is your song?
3. WRONG PERFORMER:
Your song is given to Paula Abdul, Weird Al, and Van Halen who are all told to produce and perform it. What have you done? What have you done.
Okay, you’re ready! Go listen! Like and review! Stop reading now if you want to be surprised by our picks! Keep reading if you want links to the music videos!
Welcome to a Very Special Podcasting Day. Today we’re doing something crazy, something experimental, something strange and impossible that you never expected from us, and may never hear from us again:
Unbridled positivity!
This week we’re joined by relentless optimist Jason Pargin for an all-positive podcast with no twist. See, I just mentioned there’s no twist and already you’re on guard for traps and betrayals. I’ve trained you for that, that’s understandable, those instincts will save you in The Hot Dog Labyrinth, but there’s seriously no twist to this premise: Awesome shows we genuinely like that are buried on streaming platforms.
That’s it! It’s nothing revolutionary, there are surely countless podcasts with this exact premise, but it’s a nearly impossible task for us. You’ll be on the edge of your seat as we repeatedly dip into our natural state, mockery, then struggle to emotionally wrestle ourselves out of it. We’ll start getting goofy, we’ll start doing our jobs and being funny, and no! We’ll drag ourselves from the brink and remember: This is awesome. This is an episode about genuinely good things and the broken people who struggle to enjoy them.
I won’t tell you which shows we’re talking about, but I will tell you what their porn parodies would be.
That’s it! That was the joke. The better ones are in the podcast, which you can subscribe to here, or wherever they do that thing. Prove you’re a better person than us — one capable of sincerely enjoying things — by leaving us a review. That’ll show us!
