Category: PODCASTING DAY

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: No Right Answers, with Hana Michels! 🌭

It’s time for the 9000 best parts of Wednesday: the Dogg Zzone 9000! This week we’re revisiting my ultimate quiz game show gaming showdown of knowledge, opinions, and persuasion: No Right Answers, with special guest Hana Michels!

Listen here or wherever you do podcasts, unless you’re Hollywood star Taylor Kitsch because I think we’re going to hurt your feelings.

If you missed episode one, the rules of the game are simple: The Answermaster gives the Answerblaster a “question” and they give their “best” answer. If it matches the Answermaster’s Correct Answer, that makes it the Right Answer and they win. If it doesn’t, their opponent, the Arbiter, judges which one is closest to the Right Answer. But look out! The Arbiter can steal! And betray! It’s chaos! Because of the game itself and because it turns out Hana’s instincts are more unpredictable than the box office returns on a Taylor Kitsch film!

Enjoy! And you can help the show by subscribing and reviewing. Not doing that is like hiring Taylor Kitsch for your movie– we lose $180 million every single time.

SPITE EDIT:

Brockway just listened to this week’s My Brother, My Brother and Me posted on Monday, 11/8, which covers the same WikiHow page used in his bonus game. He would like it on the record that our bonus episode was recorded on October 27th and uploaded on 11/7. We told him it’s not a big deal, and that nobody cares. He got real quiet and disappeared for a few minutes, then came back with the following image and went in the backyard to eat an entire loaf of bread (he is not supposed to have bread).

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Xanadu, with Lydia Bugg! 🌭

This Podcasting Day, Lydia Bugg gets her long-sworn revenge for that time we made her watch all three Conan movies back-to-back. She pulled that Ghostbusters shit and told us we would choose the form of our destroyer. We tried to clear our minds, but Seanbaby is basically always thinking of rollerskating and Brockway had an ELO song stuck in his head. 

Thus our fate was sealed, and the destroyer came in the form of… XANADU! Yes, the 1980 musical about a mystical disco roller rink starring Oliva Newton-John and the dude from The Warriors. 

Of course we wound up loving it. Because Seanbaby and Brockway both arrived at the same theory, independent of one another: Xanadu is actually a horror movie. Olivia Newton-John plays a Greek Muse who inspires, but not without a cost.

And Michael Beck, poor Michael Beck, is far too handsome to realize what’s happening.

Even as she devours his creativity, he’s just having too good a time looking like Michael Beck to comprehend the danger he’s in.

It’s not like there weren’t clues.

Anyway, don’t forget to subscribe to The Dogg Zzone 9000 wherever you get podcasts, and leave us a review twice as smart as Michael Beck and half as glowing as Olivia Newton-John.

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Bordello of Blood, with Jason Pargin 🌭

It’s a very spooky Podcasting Day starring the Internet’s own Jason Pargin! Listen here!

Also listen to this: buy his best-selling books including Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick, now in paperback.

Here was the plan: As a special Halloween treat, Jason was going to join me and Brockway to make fun of Bordello of Blood, the Dennis Miller horror comedy from 1996 which, and this is going to shock you, sucks!

Instead, we ended up talking about our new favorite thing– behind-the-scenes complaining about a film’s production and principal star by the people whose careers he tried to ruin. Maybe did ruin? The point is, we mostly talk about Tainted Blood, a documentary about why Bordello of Blood sucks featuring all the cast and crew of Bordello of Blood except Dennis Miller.

We hear from Corey Feldman who is upset that Dennis Miller didn’t want to take his writing advice or his acting advice or be his friend! We hear from Erika Eleniak, serious actress, who wanted all the sexuality written out of her part! We also hear from Erika Eleniak who is upset they cut the part where her character was an overweight porn star named Chubbie O’Toole! We hear from Corey Feldman about why Erika Eleniak didn’t want to be his friend or “work on their brother / sister chemistry!”

This means we forgot to talk about the actual film Bordello of Blood, which also means my detailed notes and discussion outlines went to waste. For instance:

If you ever wanted to see how I watch movies and how a real, professional podcast gets produced, this is it. And here are my (completely wasted) thoughts on the suddenly fantastic climax of Bordello of Blood which I thought we would discuss for at least 45 minutes:

Oh, looks like I left myself a note to rip a gif from the scene where Angie Everhart flips off Dennis Miller. Sure, okay. You’re welcome, Internet. And strictly so Google can help future generations find this gif, fuck you, Dennis Miller. Fuck Dennis Miller, Dennis Miller you can fuck yourself. Here’s a middle finger, you fucking hack, Dennis Miller fuck you. Fuckyoudennis.gif

I was most excited to talk about the actual movie Bordello of Blood because Erika Eleniak was already a vampire by this point of the movie, and this entire Act 3 was for nothing– a hilarious mixup between the screenwriter and himself. You can see in my notes the exact moment this occurs to me:

It looks like I left myself another note to create a gif, this time of the Jesus laser that comes out of Dennis Miller’s dick and makes everyone cum. What a treasure. What a payoff. Truly some of the boldest acting decisions any performers have ever made.

Google, people are going to want to find this, so pay attention to these keywords: Dennis Miller Jesus laser orgasm Angie Everhart orgasm Erika Eleniak orgasm cumming FFM laserplay:

Thanks for listening! It helps us if you Christ dick laser us (subscribe) and Christ dick laser us (review).

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Naura Hayden Doesn’t Know How to Fuck 🌭

This week we’re talking to adult film star, Dogg Zzone 9000 editor, and professional half-shirt wearer Jamie French! 

You can find Jamie’s powerfully NSFW Twitter here, and rest assured you will learn a thing or two about the place of acrobatics in the bedroom. 

We brought her on to discuss Naura Hayden: almost movie star, almost-sex expert, and definite vitamin lunatic. You might remember her from Seanbaby’s article about her extremely hot sex advice books that dared to take a bold stand against penetration. But surely there’s more to her than that. Otherwise this is going to be a short podcast.

In other news, we did it! We made a podcast that clocked in under an hour! Congratulations, Naura Hayden, for not having another idea!

On our bonus episode for Hot Dog Heroes or stronger, we play a Seanbaby’s Book Game with 1,003 Great Things About Moms — another epic by Delaware’s gossipiest vampire coven, Lisa Birnbach, Ann Hodgman, and Patricia Marx. In our last Birnhodgarx book game, a hypothetical human being lived its entire life and died within the pages of a cutesy list-format tip book. It’s going to be tough beating that, unless IT HAPPENS IN EVERY BOOK.

As always, remember to almost penetrate us wherever you get podcasts, but definitely do penetrate us in your review. 

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Here Comes Batpussy, Fuck Yeah! 🌭

The year was sometime in the early ’70s. Three people with one wet cough and zero erections tried to invent the first porn parody. 

We are joined by our friend Michael Swaim (Small Beans, Cracked, IGN) to try to make sense of it in our first ever episode of 1-900-HOTDOG Nights (with sexy new theme song from Auralnauts). It’s filthy. Filthy.

It started with a married couple arguing over an erotic newspaper. The husband worked at a factory, maybe an office. He didn’t know how to have sex or maybe he had too much. His wife was unemployed, wait maybe she was a prostitute. She had kids from a previous marriage, hold on, they could be her current husband’s and at school during the time of filming. The point is, there was no script and 98% of this adult film was an ad libbed argument between two confused, naked idiots. It’s called Bat Pussy.

Maybe. Probably. It was found in the trash two decades after it was abandoned, and the “main” character is called “Bat Woman” almost as often as she’s called “Bat Pussy.” She’s the protector of Gotham City and she’s upset because her vagina sensed, and I quote, “fuckin’ dirty motherfuckers are makin’ fuck films in [her] Gotham City.” But also she seems mad for not being included in the production of the porno? And look, I promise I’m not trying to confuse you, but it’s also worth mentioning that no one in the movie is filming a porno.

Bat Pussy was an impossibly strange idea even before they fucked up every possible aspect of production, and they were right to hide it. We shouldn’t have dug it up and described it to you. Don’t mention that when you leave a review! Try to forget it when you subscribe! Thank you, and you all know how to fuck.

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Out of DEATH 🌭

Happy Podcasting Day! This week we welcome — you’ll never believe we got him! — Jason Pargin to the podcast! Author Jason Pargin. Novelist Jason Pargin. Book-doer Jason Pargin! Substackist Jason Pargin! He wrote the incredible Zoey Punches The Future in the Dick, as well as a bunch of other incredible books with almost as good titles. On today’s podcast, we’re discussing Bruce Willis, specifically modern-day Bruce Willis, specifically why you can pay modern-day Bruce Willis a million dollars a day and it’s not enough for him to give a shit. What is the give a shit price, Bruce? Is it two million a day? Four? Just do movies that pay that! We’re mostly talking about his laziest movie yet-

Remember to love us on everything, and tell your parents about it. 

And for anyone who wants to sing along with Seanbaby’s heartfelt custom theme song, here are the heartfelt lyrics:

♪ Unbroken on trains, I was John McClane
of the men standing I was the last

Look Who’s Talking Too, Seagram’s Golden Wine cool
Korben Dallas Multipass

But what’s going on, with my choices since I
went to space to drill a rock

Remember Last Boyscout, and also Moonlighting
wait, also goddamn Hudson Hawk
fucking Hudson Hawk

Now I’m all out of death, I’m on siege hard kill you
I know target die, Cosmic Sin zombie threshold

I’m all out of death, fire breach horizon
co-starring Ja Rule, a dumb soup of action words

now I just show up, and sit on a chair
even when we film the fights
I look like a dick, what agent booked this shit
I could reboot Miami Vice
or say let’s do Die Hard, in Bora Bora
Or Wes Anderson’s MacBeth
I’m the biggest star, drive Steve McQueen’s car
now i’m some guy in Out of Death
it’s called Out of Death

I’m all out of death, I’m Kevin Sorbo saves Christmas
I’m darkstalker 4, I’m vampire speedboat
I’m all out of death, I’m a leprechaun prequel
I’m corporate retreat with special guest star me. ♪