Category: PODCASTING DAY

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Rollergames with Fryda Wolff 🌭

This week we’re talking to voice actor, skate warrior, and elven bootyshaker Fryda Wolff about Rollergames, 1989’s rollerskating predecessor to American Gladiators. It was worse than Gladiators in every single way, but those ways had the decency to be fascinating. The characters were less likable, but there were 60 of them and they were all constantly demolishing one another. The gimmicks were less memorable, but they were totally unhinged: Astrological mercenaries, elder abuse, choreographed fights and unchoreographed head explosions! The games were sloppier and more confusing, but they did have live alligators. Everything was horny! Every single part of it got its own expositional theme song. It was 1989 and we were invincible. We thought we’d last forever. We made Rollergames so the future could see we were unafraid. Come listen to the proof of it.

Gamba us on Gamba! Or Gamba us on Gamba! Gamba! GAMBA!

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Compu-Toon with Dennard Dayle 🌭

This week we’re joined by academic, acclaimed author, regular newsletter rememberer and fellow Hot Dog Dennard Dayle. We’re discussing a newspaper strip called Compu-Toon, by what is ostensibly a man named Charles Boyce. I say “ostensibly” because I can, I went to college for words, but also because there’s no way this exists.

Reality tells me this is a single panel comedy comic strip about technology, but I have issues with every one of those words in regards to Compu-Toon. Our universe has the balls to insist this strip has gone on for forty years, and has been published in 150 major newspapers. There’s no way. Nice try, the Matrix, but I’m pulling out the feeding tube now.

Not a single Compu-Toon can be explained. Each and every panel strips nude and fistfights logic to a standstill. So for this podcast, we’re playing a game: If we can even guess at what the fuck Compu-Toon is talking about, we get one point. If we actually think we get what the joke is supposed to be, we get five points. If we find that joke funny, we tender our resignation to the site and step onto the ice floe.

You can play along at home! Here are the 20 strips we’re discussing in order. Don’t jump ahead, or the Charles Boyce mind virus will rewrite your neural pathways to only speak Compu-Toon and you’ll die trying to eat a laptop.

My god, did you make it all the way to the end? Amazing! Now here’s what your scores mean:

Nothing.

It was never a game, it was only to keep you engaged while the Boyce virus transmitted. Charles us on delete, Boyce us on trend app!

Podcast COMPU-TOONIFICATION by Brett Ellefson

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Superfights with Dirk Marshall 🌭

This week we’re talking to Dirk Marshall from the VHUS Podcast: Where all the best taped garbage is found. We’re discussing the best 1990s white savior martial arts movie you’ve never seen, because nobody has ever seen it. Not a single person, not until Dirk watched it and activated his emergency Hot Dog Signal. Because if anybody had ever seen this, they would have told somebody, and it would be a cornerstone of pop culture by now. You would find your people by the call and response to your favorite quotes.

“BullSHIT I’m a great fighter!” You’d quip, and the attractive person across the bar would spin around.

“I don’t THINK so!” They’d say.

You’d be married. You’d be happy. You’d have joyous, loved, centered children capable of enacting real change on this world. It would all be different. It wouldn’t be like this. It wouldn’t be like this at all if even one person watched Superfights.

But they didn’t. Until right now.

I can’t even explain it, it’s beyond me. Luckily Superfights solved this problem, too. The best way to explain anything is with an Educational Ninja.

Podcast novelization cover by Brett Ellefson

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Thunder in Paradise with Dan McQuade 🌭

It’s Dogg Zzone 9000 Day, and this week Defector co-founder Dan McQuade returns to share his expertise on the Civil War. More specifically, the time Hulk Hogan won it for the South using only a superboat, a remote control grenade launcher, fifteen laser guns, and an XXXL Victorian gown. That’s right, we’re finally doing a show on episode 9 of Thunder in Paradise, “Gettysburg Change of Address”!

Listen here or wherever you get podcasts!

As you certainly remember from when it first aired in 1994, it’s the episode with the skeleton mystery and the big Sea-Doo race where Hulk Hogan used Civil War costumes to trick an Army captain into thinking he had traveled through time in order to win a laser tag battle which was also a murder scheme.

Footnotes:

Podcast illustrated by Brett Ellefson

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Sexual Martial Arts with Michael Swaim and Abe Epperson 🌭

This week we’re joined by Michael Swaim and Abe Epperson, former Cracked wunderkinds and current Bean prodigies. They’re making a touching and hilarious movie called Papa Bear, about a true story from Swaim’s teenage years when his dad came out as a gay cyberbear. That’s real, that’s what it’s really about – minus the cyber stuff. That didn’t make the movie. That’s the bad news: “Robo” was one too many things to fit in this story full of deep characters, sexual exploration, loving acceptance, and human horses. When will we, as a nation, finally learn to value the cybernetically different? Here’s the good news: There’s still time for you to chip in and help this thing get made! Click that now, pledge what you can, lord it over your philistine friends now that you’re a patron of the arts.

Swaim and Abe have kind hearts and gentle souls, so every time they come on the podcast we expose them to the weirdest pervert shit we can find.

Written by a collective of dick ninjas who are clearly just one confused man with a hospitalized crotch, we’re talking about the official manual for the sexual martial art of dong manipulation, Zenno Jojido. It’s mostly about slapping and attacking your penis until it grows huge and unstoppable, like Conan. The rest of the book is an insane anthology of ancient japanese cock ring masters and invincible Thai fuckbeasts, all harboring exotic penile secrets that were plundered by brave wang archaeologists and given to you, the small-dicked sucker willing to masturbate badly for several weeks to no result.

That’s madness, what’s written up there. May God damn that whole paragraph. Each of those words is in a fight with the ones next to it. Together they create a sexual impossibility, and I didn’t even mention that it’s written in free verse.

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: It’s a Royal Knockout with John Bull 🌭

In 1987, Meat Loaf, Christopher Reeve, Mr. Bean, Walter Payton, and dozens of other celebrities and athletes you would not fucking believe teamed up with the British royal family to bumble and slop through poorly planned obstacle courses. Depending on which royal you ask it was either quite silly or exceedingly important, but everyone agrees it was a catastrophe. Just a neverending volcano of expensive confusion. To help us make sense of it, and holy shit did we need it, is historian and Englishman John Bull.

You can hear us describe Meat Loaf chasing a human onion here! Or wherever you get podcasts.

Podcast novelization cover by Brett Ellefson