Happy 1900-Hot-Dolidays, everyone! The year 2022 tried to get in our way and we marched right through that lame fuck’s turf. We have been mocking curses and not dying for three years, and we are here to celebrate that. Or look back on what we have done. We’ll see how it goes.
First off, we have a present! As you probably know, we are supported by the geniuses and tastemakers on our Patreon. But today, in the spirit of hot dog generosity, we’re making all our first year articles free to everyone. Because we’re geniuses too! We are shattering the only remaining business model for text entertainment! So if you or someone you know wants hilarity and lots of it, no questions asked, send them to any of our articles from 2020.
Now empty your mind in preparation for the best 1900HOTDOG Learning Days of 2022. We’re also making these all-star hits free as our way of saying Meaty Christmas and Happy Hweinerkkah, which we obviously shouldn’t say. Computer, activate year-end best-of Learning Days, authorization code Hweinerkkah:
Best of 2022 Learning Day #1: How to Live in a Haunted House by Brockway
In the madness mines of WikiHow, Brockway discovered a previously unknown element– a pulsing orb of stupid meant for no one but painstakingly described and illustrated anyway. The author of How to Live in a Haunted House was trying to find a way to get killed by a ghost, any ghost, and failed. Still, maybe it will work for you? For WikiHow, this level of expertise makes you almost overqualified.
Best of 2022 Learning Day #2: Princess and the Kiss by Seanbaby
There is no gift more precious than your first kiss. It’s a cute thing to say in a fleeting moment, but a terrible belief to build a society around. Watch this Christian fantasy utopia fall apart as kingdoms barter alliances with glowing orbs of virginity, which sounds like a silly exaggeration, but it’s literally what happens.
Best of 2022 Learning Day #3: The Youtube Pervert Bar by Jason Pargin
While Seanbaby, Brockway, and Lydia were dredging the bog of society’s discarded media, Jason was pointing at the insanity before our very eyes every day. “There’s a fucking bar on the bottom of every YouTube video where you can see the exact moment where people got horny! We’ve got to do something,” he warned us. But no one listened. We left when we heard there was a pervert detector because hell yeah, let’s probably see most of some titties.
Best of 2022 Learning Day #4: Bowl Better Using Self Hypnosis by Seanbaby
There are a lot of self help books that look deranged but end up being mundane organizational tips. Bowl Better Using Self Hypnosis is not one of those. This bowler lost his goddamn mind, and it’s mostly your fault, the reader, for not believing the key to bowling success was mind powers.
Best of 2022 Learning Day #5: How to Act like Shinji Ikari by Brockway
There’s a character in Japanese cartoons who sucks, and this WikiHow author thought, “I could write a guide on pretending to be him.” This stupid piece of shit was right! Happy Learning Days from all of us here at 1900HOTDOG!
4 replies on “The Best Hot Dogs of 2022: Learning Day 🌭”
Those patient few who make room for me in their lives get a link to these best ofs every year.
Also, fuck you all give us a tonne of free shit. Including today as one and the podcast, the schedule has worked out to six free articles in a row.
And it is like the only free stuff worth getting!
The best ofs have lots of new free stuff, but you can just bookmark https://1900hotdog.com/tag/free/ and you’ll see everything that’s ever been free, and it updates every week with our new stuff.
I finally made it! I read every free article! I remember most writers here from Cracked’s halcyon days and I just had to follow the hilarity like I was an endangered child and you were that Hamelin creep.
I wish I could support you on Patreon, but I’m poor and mentally ill and from a 3rd world country, so there’s that.
I wish you all many, many years of paid articles, hookers, and blow! Much love ♥️
Your best friend is: https://1900hotdog.com/tag/free/ — just check that once a week and you’ll see every free new thing we do, and only the free stuff. It’ll be like those oldschool websites that updated once a week, back when that was enough!