Lydia Bugg has had a very Upsetting 2023. Well, we all have. We’ll be more specific: 2023 is the year Lydia earned the coveted Most Enemies Award in this year’s Weenie’s! All of Lydia’s Hot Dog Enemies, from Revelation Road Director Gabriel Sabloff to followers of the boring ghost prophet Seth, can only hate her half as much as we love her. And that’s a lot! Holy shit, watch your back, Liddy.
You know what the teens love, but don’t get enough of? Wuthering Heights. You know what else the teens love, but don’t get enough of? James Caan. That’s right, teens: Rollerball’s James Caan. Undercover Grandpa’s James Caan! Together at last with Wuthering Heights! Just like you teens asked for!
Lydia’s first and most mystifying nemesis, Nathen Mazri, is not done going completely mad. Going completely mad, you see, is a process. One simply cannot go completely mad all at once. First you must overcommit to a shady licensing scam, be spurned by a cartoon cat, disassociate entirely and come back as your own cartoon cat, and then forecast the apocalypse. That’s Nathfield. And that’s how you go completely mad.
Hey what if we did Quibi but it was super horny and entirely microtransactions? That’s Reel Short TV, the scam romance TV app responsible for more bill fights than Duck Wars!
Upsetting Day: TikTok Shrimp Dance Man
TikTok Shrimp Dance Man! TikTok! Shrimp! Dance! Man! Every word less erotic than the last, he’s the only man who dances shrimp, sexually of course, in and around your mouth for the applause of strangers!
Hey look, our very own Liddy Bugg actually found the devil. He produced this reality show about strange, untrustworthy men competing to impregnate a desperate woman. You owe Lydia one wish, Scratch! She has guessed your disguise, those are the rules!
One reply on “Best of 2023 – Lydia Bugg”
How did I miss the Wuthering High article? The Asylum should definitely adapt more public domain books. A sexy teen adaptation of Huckleberry Finn, a sexy teen adaptation of Tess of the d’Urbervilles, or maybe even a sexy teen adaptation of Winnie the Pooh. The possibilities are endless.
“At this point, James Caan has made his one million dollars for three scenes, so he promptly exits the movie via heart attack offscreen.”
That’s good. However, I think they should’ve done Shakespeare’s Exit Left Pursued by a Bear. But not like an actual bear. Just a chonky and hirsute gay man chasing James Caan out of the movie.