Author: Seanbaby

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Baywatch Nights with Mark Mahoney 🌭

It’s Podcasting Day! And this week on the Dogg Zzone 9000, we welcome back Mark Mahoney who brought with him two episodes from his German Baywatch Nights DVD. Did you know the show about lifeguards dealing with beach problems spun off into a show about lifeguards panicking at the supernatural? David Hasselhoff had no way of dealing with wolfmen or time vikings, and we knew it. Everyone knew it. Including the screenwriters. Every episode they copy and pasted “MITCH BUCHANNON, handsome, late 40s, shits his fucking pants” onto every page of the script. And then David Hasselhoff would pencil in, “which the nearby babes love.”

Baywatch Nights was a howling cocaine fight of an idea that appealed to no one and the budget reflected that. The costume designers, special effect makeup artists, and action choreographers thought “lifeguard vampire mysteries” was a prank so they didn’t show up to work for two entire seasons. By the laws of our universe it is impossible for this to exist, but you can listen to us talk about it… here. Or any other podcast place.

Oh! Supporters of our illustrious and fantastic Patreon (Patreon.com/1900HOTDOG) can tune in for a bonus podcast featuring the first and probably final episode of “Super Catchphrase” where Mark and Brockway use a 1978 DC Superheroes children’s dictionary to assemble the perfect catchphrase! It’s the Baywatch Nights of bonus podcast episode ideas! Speaking of, to help you calibrate for the main show, here is an extremely faithful recreation of a scene from Season 2, Episode 9, “Vampirgeflüster.” Enjoy:

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NERDING DAY

Nerding Day: Everyone the Wonder Twins Rescued Should Be Dead – Bear Erotica 🌭

The Wonder Twins were two teenagers from the planet Exxor with amazing shapeshifting powers limited only by their imagination. They were also written by morons and drawn by Somalia’s lowest bidding animation detention center. This is a case I’ve made twice before, but I put it to you again, reader:

The following are real images from Season 2, Episode 26 of a real cartoon they showed to children in 1977. And not just any cartoon, but one that stopped every 8 minutes to give safety and science lessons.

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This article was brought to you by our fine sponsor and Hot Dog Supreme: Dusty’s Rad Title, also known as Wonder Twins Dedication Derek.

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: Baywatch’s Scorcher with Dan McQuade 🌭

I’ll handle the podcast intro today, boys. I’m sure you can tell from the zany tuba sounds that follow me wherever I go, but I’m actor Jeff Altman! I, of course, played Fred Rachins, Dennis Kosowski, Don Brand, Ed Symes, and Special Agent Dudley Dawson, all on the hit show Baywatch. And today back on the Dogg Zzone is Defector’s Dan McQuade to discuss me. I’m going to listen to it here, but it’s anywhere you get your podcasts!

You may not remember this, but Baywatch was a relentless show with a love of plotlines and no regard for resolving them. If you’d like to watch along with the Zzone Boys, they’re talking about Season 07, Episode 05: “Scorcher!” You know this, but it’s the one where I jump on a bomb, attack an underwater wedding, faint at a birth canal, and accept a gift of tiny pants. If you’re having trouble following along, I made this helpful episode guide!

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LEARNING DAY

Learning Day: The Truth About S.T.D’.s

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UPSETTING DAY

Upsetting Day: THE STIMULATOR

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PODCASTING DAY

Podcasting Day: The Book of the Demon Star with Lydia Bugg 🌭

By the hoary rites of the goose-pawed Ipes, we have summoned our own Lydia Bugg to this Dogg Zzone 9000 to read with us from the Book of the Demon Star by Diablito Al Ghoul, a yoga maniac filled with semen, trained by the ninja, and powered by Satan’s cousin’s adopted son-in-law. A dark curse upon you, for soon after listening to the podcast, you will have a full understanding of all of that!

Maybe we should start from the beginning. Brockway found a very powerful book documenting a forbidden power combining every element of all stupid shit. From the seed of fallen angel Samael came Asmodeus, and this is he in all his glory:

Asmodeus was illustrated by the only one who can see him, lonely Facebook user Diablito Al Ghoul, and this is he in all his glory:

Diablito has mastered arts most wizards or ninjas would find unthinkable. He can form time bubbles. He can read minds. He communes with demons to have sex with other demons, maybe. It’s impossible to be sure because all three of us spent most of this book very confused. But don’t be mistaken– Diablito Al Ghoul is no nerd. Here’s a drawing he made of a demon he slept with (during one of the rare circumstances where his sorcerer discipline allows him to ejaculate):

Listen with someone you love, or by yourself and then warn that person you love of our newfound powers. And by the sticky goose hands of Ipes, we command you to click the like or subscribe buttons on your podcast platform. For extensive footnotes, see below.

Footnotes: