The Bigfeet Boys watch Season 1, Episode 7 of Mountain Monsters: Kentucky Hellhound of Pike County. Wild Bill was briefly killed in the making of this episode.
Category: PODCASTING DAY
Jason Pargin’s new book is available now! It’s called Zoey is Too Drunk for this Dystopia and you can buy it! Here! But even more urgently, he’s on this week’s Dogg Zzone 9000 to talk about absolutely silly shit. Not ordinary silly shit, though; unintended silly shit. We each brought very serious movies to discuss, all of them made by talented filmmakers, and then present our cases for how they were accidentally comedies.
Listen here or wherever you get podcasts.
Footnotes:
To follow along at home, you’ll need to cut out and assemble your Poxco Whoopsie Zany Funglasses included with every Dogg Zzone 9000 Podcast Footnotes:
To see Seanbaby’s example, put them on now.
Seanbaby chose Dragged Across Concrete, a fascinatingly miserable movie he’s already written about in great detail. The filmmaker, racist, took an 11 minute break from the gritty crime drama to invent his own mommy emotional disorder so we’d be extra upset when he explodes a bank teller’s fingers and head and then cuts to a reaction shot of a man in whiteface.
Take off your glasses, wait don’t, now.
Jason’s pick was We Need to Talk About Kevin, a movie about a real jerk made by someone who has no idea how bows and arrows work. That’s not an editorial, that’s from the poster:
Brockway chose a classic of the genre– the highest achievement unintentional hilarious cinema may ever achieve. It was, of course, the dude who got slapped into a thousand cartwheels by one of the Titanic’s propellers:
Supporters of our Patreon, and hopefully that’s you since it’s the only way we make money, can tune into the bonus podcast where Brockway and Jason square off in a Seanbaby’s Book Game. We read from 1003 Ways to Stay Young, a book too stupid for anyone to predict, but these men are veterans. They’ve become tidbit wizards. They not only found the exact moment the author lost her mind, they threw out the rules and made up their own impossible win conditions. And then they achieved them tog– you know what? I’ve said too much. Buy Jason’s book!
Footnotes footnote: We have so much great stuff coming in from our all-star cast of writers that starting next week, we’re running regular articles on Wednesdays. The podcast schedule won’t change, we are just retiring this method of reminding you, and giving you even more comedy instead. In some parts of ancient Constantinople, it is said people used to show their gratitude for surprise comedy by upping their fucking Patreon pledge.
You are directly in the middle of Puppet Week and it rules! You have been trained to expect punishment and terror, and you’ve received only orgasmic Tim Curry faces and orgasmic puppet jumpkicks. That all stops today. We’re joined by our very own Hot Doggists, horror author Lydia Bugg and everything else author Dennard Dayle, to talk about the worst puppet act in history: Ron & Marty. Take note: It’s not the most offensive puppet act in history, it’s not the weirdest or most confusing, it is simply the worst. Objectively the worst, in a way we will spend a full hour proving. Ron & Marty set out to inform and bring joy to Christian children of the 1980s, historically the most uninformed and joyless of all children, and failed on every front. Legend says that to this very day, if you put your ear up to a yawning Christian child, you can still hear Ron & Marty bombing. Let’s learn about-
FREEDOM
Christ’s love doesn’t cost anything, that’s what’s so great about it! Kind of like the suffering of America’s veterans, but opposite. Happy fourth of July!
JUNK FOOD
The great thing about Christ is that he’s filling, he’s not the 7-11 nachos of spiritual food. Don’t eat too much soul candy in the morning, because then you won’t have room for Christ in the afternoon. That’s it, thank you for listening to this metaphor!
PROFANITY
SHUCKS! Aw, sorry for the profanity, let us pray. If you swear, or hear somebody swearing, the solution is easy: Just drop to your knees and pray. Immediately. Every single swear said by yourself or somebody else, even if you just think it: Pray. Yes, even in the middle of the street!
PORNOGRAPHY
This is 1980s rural Christian America, so you children are, of course, addicted to the hardcore pornography you have easy access to. But here’s a song that might help you:
♫ Full penetration, full penetration ♫
♫ I love to physically run away from images depicting full penetration! ♫
So what it doesn’t rhyme. The Bible doesn’t rhyme.
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This podcast was brought to you by a hot Hot Dog Tip from Michael Rader. Please assign blame accordingly.
This week we’re joined by our own Jamie Kelly, the lady who makes us sound good and Bigfeets sound better, to discuss The President Goes to Heaven, a 2011… movie? Manifesto? A 2011 request for medical intervention by a mysterious maniac named cTom. It’s the story of a president who is bad and does a coma, but really it’s the story of poop, of revenge, of 9/11, of poop, of exploded firefighters, Islam, and poop. Before we get into all that, check out Jamie’s podcast, The Approximate Podcast! Actually, do that instead of listening to this.
No really, you should go.
…
You’ll live to regret this.
Unexplainable creatures haunt every corner of our world, and desserts are no exception. From the bowels of Cumberland County’s second most popular ghost tour came an idea: what if monster cake? And from the mouth of basic cable’s fourth most popular cake show came an immediate followup idea: what if it fucked? Dear hotdoggers, do you dare look into the face of this erotic terror with us and Garbage Brain University‘s Drew Toothpaste and Natalie Dee!? Listen here or wherever you get podcasts!!
Footnotes and Citations:
This week we’re joined by Defector’s Dan McQuade, the Man Who Killed Bill Cosby, to finish the searing Jeff Altman trilogy we didn’t realize we were doing. It began with the Thunder in Paradise episode where Hulk Hogan used his smartboat to blast through time and save the Confederate Army, it continued on Baywatch’s Scorcher where every plotline from every show happened simultaneously and were ignored, it concludes with Pink Lady and Jeff, the Disco variety show that aired years after both of those things died. Listen here, or anywhere! That’s how podcasts work.
Pink Lady and Jeff was a vehicle for two stunning Japanese music superstars, Pink Lady’s Mie and Kei, so it’s too bad it aired in the US because nobody had ever heard of them. It also starred Jeff Altman, so it’s too bad it aired anywhere because nobody had ever heard of him. The show was an insane money furnace based off of 1980 America’s demand for Japanese pop, and Jeff Altman’s hilarious impressions, neither of which existed. There were no punchlines, only frantic scene changes and quaint racism. Jeff Altman says he has sexy round eyes, he does a blackccent, he makes pregnant cow noises, he meets Sherman Hemsley, he gets a thorough bathing by both ladies, he is cockblocked by a sumo. They just don’t make them like this anymore and to prove why, here’s Pink Lady and Jeff!
