Author: 1900HOTDOG
Unlock with Patreon
Categories
Hot Dog Store: An Extralarge Crisis!
Be the manimal, little person toy genius, or speedboat wrestler you want to see in the world.
How’s your April been so far, good? Fantastic. Tell you what, why don’t you go ahead and grab one of these incredible posters and hang it up in your home, keep those good vibes going.
See? Look at that, it really makes the area pop! You have a lovely home by the way.
Or be cool and buy one of the shirts! You won’t regret it at all!
Look, there is one of our satisfied customers right now. Boy he looks like he is very happy with this shirt. You can be happy just like that. It is easy!
I’m amazed our vault isn’t bursting open with what’s inside this week. Let’s take a look:
It’s EXTRALARGE!
From bonk to conk, celebrate the martial prowess of Italy’s Reacher with the only official extralarge 1-900 HOT DOG shirt. This son of a gun is available only in our secret vault, so don’t go around telling everyone about it. Just wear it and be like “oh, this old thing? I actually forgot I even had it.” people love it when you do that!
It’s almost April fools! I think that means you need to buy something for someone. That’s how the holiday works, right? Anyway, look at these bad boys. Try to collect them all! There are two.
This week I’m talkin about 1900HOTDOG HOT DOG PAIL KIDS!
Available right now in our store in a variety of colors and sizes. Here it is in a women’s cut.
Also available as a tank top in EIGHT different colors, including Oatmeal Triblend?!?! I think this is the most we’ve ever offered. That’s pretty incredible. One for every day of the week, and then a bonus for when you eat oatmeal I guess? Bet you’ve never had a dedicated oatmeal eating tank top like this.
These ain’t your mama’s mugs, unless you end up buying these mugs for your mama, in which case, they absolutely are your mama’s mugs.
And last, but certainly not least, the classic cut. This thing looks and feels incredible. It’s a beauty from start to finish, top to bottom.
We’ve been on a tank kick recently. This time I mean the vehicle AND the clothing!
Oh shit it’s the Dogg Boyzz, and they are on their very own micro-rib tank top!
Choose your outfit, and choose your character. This tanktop is available only in our vault, which is hidden away for all but our most special members. They frolic in the vault and drink cocoa and all kinds of cool stuff like have parties. You should totally join and find out what you are missing. Also buy a tanktop while you are in there.
I still have no idea where I put that damn catalog.
Well, in the meantime, why don’t you check out our cool Catalog of Cursed Artifacts shirt!
It comes in eight different colors, including one called OXBLOOD BLACK, which I think is this sort of dried blood color for some reason?
So, you know, you got options. Freaky options, but options!
We also have it in a women’s style cut, if that’s more your thing.
If you thought the eight colors with dried blood options shirt was impressive, this style comes in twelve different non-blood-based color varieties.
It won’t protect you from the horrors that are bound to head our way now, but it will cover your torso, and that’s a guarantee.
“But Hot Dog Store,” you say aloud to your phone while you read this in the bathroom, “I have enough shirts! Don’t you have options for those of us with fully covered torsos?”
Of course I do! I have everything! Check it out, we have The Catalog of Cursed Artifacts available as a poster. And not just any poster, we are talking about 16 by 20 inches of high quality 10.3 mil, 189 g/m² Japanese paper with an ISO brightness of 104% and a 94% opacity. Hang on, because I need a cigarette after typing that out.
This thing is beautiful. It’s thick, it’s bright, and it can double as a lap mat in a pinch.
Let’s look in the vault!
Save the world without leaving your chair.
War of the Cubes Micro-rib Tank Top available this week in the vault! Come and get it if you can! If not, maybe you can get an amazon delivery drone to hack the vault to get it for you?
Categories
Hot Dog Store: Right In The Brain Dick
This is your brain on Hot Dog.
Have you tried to explain to your friends, family, coworkers, parole officer, or religious official what exactly 1900HOTDOG is? Have you had problems expressing comedy for smart people that somehow makes them dumber, but in a helpful way? That strange paradox of education against your will, but education that you still seek out each day?
Well struggle no more, we have exactly what you need.
Wake up with a swift kick to your braindick in our classic cut shirt. Wear it on dates, to funerals, or even to your court hearings! You’ll be dressed to impress no matter the occasion.
And don’t worry, we are just getting started. We’ve got the women’s cut ready for you to show off the exact feeling you get when you learn about a sex cake baker that is also somehow a cannibal who ran a children’s show for eleven years.
It’s winter time! You hate sleeves, I hate sleeves, the entire system is built to oppress people like us, but we have your back! And your front! Just not your arms! Pop on one of our tanktops and flex your 100% pure beef arms without fear of ripping your new shirt.
Hoodies! Hoodies are the best because you can wear them when it is cold, or when it is hot, you can cry in them and nobody can see. You are ungovernable when in a hoodie, so why not get one with a cool ass hot dog popping a field goal right in the brainbag.
Okay, maybe you have enough clothes. You’ve got like three pairs of pants and 91 shirts, and it’s not like we are selling socks. But do you have enough mugs? Yes. Should you get more anyway? Also yes. This graphic pops so hard on our mugs, I can’t choose a favorite color to pair it with.
And after a hard day at work, you just want to come home and enjoy a nice beverage in your fanciest glass. Maybe that fancy IPA you got, or maybe ketchup and chocolate syrup with lemonade. It’s all you, dogg!
Bigfeets of Black Water Micro-rib Tank Top!
You’ve caught him. Now what are you gonna do with him? Oh shit I just realized it is pi day, I should have done something for that. Well damn. Maybe next year. In the meantime, go buy this sick ass tank top!
Have you heard about 1900�
You have now!
Since the dawn of time, mankind has been beset by others. Spoiler, we are the others. So since you are one of us, and not one of those dorks wearing shoes on the beach (I think?) You should get a shirt to prove it.
Hell yeah, lookin good.
And did you know we also have it available in a mug? Yeah, it comes in like 10 different colors.
These mugs are lead and BPA-free, and are fine in the dishwasher or microwave.
So get that Hot Dog Handshake, wear the shirt, fill the mug with sweet sweet lady gasoline or something. It’s gonna be the last good memory you have, because I’ve got bad news about the vault this week.
I tried to contain it as much as I could but it’s just too damn powerful.
THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S TIME TO DICK FIGHT! You ready to rock out with your cock out? Feel the throb of the meat sabres as they clash in sweaty glory? Too bad, because this week the vault is full of this cursed shirt, and it’s up to you to clear it out. You gotta do something about this, it is above my pay grade and I can’t have all these dick fightin’ shirts everywhere, what if my mom stops by? If it were your mom, she’d feel right at home, but not my mom. So get your mom this shirt. She loves dick fightin’.