Best of 2023: Alex Schmidt

Welcome to the Great Annual Hot Dog Bash! It’s the company barbecue where we build meat effigies of ourselves, grill them, and eat them to absorb our own powers. Nobody else can have them! We’re finding all the best 1900HOTDOG articles from the past year and making them all free, starting with our beloved Schmidty. He’s the one we send to talk to the cops while the rest of us hide in the bathroom, too high to risk being seen. 2023 was a very Learning-centric year for Alex Schmidt. He learned us about…

Learning Day: The 2023 NHL Draft Lottery

The best part about Schmidty Day is that he’s an ambush predator. You never know where he’s coming from. We other Hot Doggers will write about shit like insane Amazon cookbook scams, but Schmidty finds the madness hiding in normie territory. Like with the dreary 2023 NHL Draft Lottery, and the sinister scam lurking within its beige depths.

Learning Day: The Scam Cookbooks of Morishige Shunsen

Like a true ambush predator, Schmidty knows you’re expecting an ambush and surprises you with his total lack of ambushing. Detective Schmidty’s on the case of the counterfeit celebrity cookbooks, plus one that just might actually be from Kanye West.

Learning Day: UCSB’S Self-Published Dorm

Only Schmidty has the moxie, the absolute chutzpah to pitch a building to us. It’s never been done before, it’ll never be done again unless China builds the Brosnan Dome.

Learning Day: 9 Cats, 9 Lives

“Haha look, Schmidty sent us a fun one about cats,” we said, never expecting to wind up on a sinking Atlantis with Babe Ruth.

Fucking Day: The Sexual Key to the Tarot

Horny Schmidty! This is to be treasured. The rarest of all Schmidty subjects, 2023 saw a statistically improbable Fucking Day from Alex Schmidt. If you ever wondered what astrological sign your dick is, too bad! That’s a different article Sissyneck is writing right now. This one’s about hanging dong with the Hanged Man.

3 replies on “Best of 2023: Alex Schmidt”

Alex Schmidt is the man that brought to my attention that movie where Pierce Brosnan is king of France, wants to bang his own daughter, and also wants to murder a mermaid during an eclipse to become immortal. I do not know if I can forgive him for that. My children and my children’s children have sworn an oath of revenge. I am not strong enough to stop them.

I haven’t watched it, btw, though I did download the book it was loosely based on and will eventually read it at some point, but the sheer insanity of that plot summary always brings a smile to my lips, a twinkle to my eyes, and a heat to my loins.

I don’t think I’ve ever got to the end of one of Alex’s articles because I always end up down such a glorious hyperlink rabbit hole

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