Author: 1900HOTDOG

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FUCKING DAY

Hot Dog Year in Review: The Very Best Fucking Days of 2021 🌭

We fucked so much in 2021 we left a rising tide of babies that threaten to drown this culture. They’re going to have to name a whole generation after us. Sorry, Generation Wiener, here are the Fucking Days that defined your conception.

Dick Fight Island Part 1

A man sat down to type a funny description of Dick Fight Island. His fingers began to go to work. The words “Dick Fight Island,” appeared on his monitor. The man smiled. He was done. Dick Fight Island was fucking already funny and described.

Dick Fight Island Part 2

If you read Dick Fight Island Part 1, you know there’s more to these dick fights than mashing dicks together. Despite the participants’ most furious efforts, there’s also passion. Every dick shattering is a love story. And vice versa.

Sex Magick for the Solitary Practitioner 

“It is important for you to breathe while you touch yourself,” advises Sex Magick for the Solitary Practitioner under the section Breathe. It’s the ultimate expression of erotic sorcery… the endgame of every wizard– just blasting yourself with sex powers while you jerk off.

How to Seduce Your Lover Forever

Several ordinary, extremely not camera-ready couples teach you how to clumsily fuck in this sex lotion commercial disguised as an instructional video. Warning: How to Seduce Your Lover Forever is well within any pedestrian lover’s kink zone, but will still find ways to gross you out in ways you never thought possible.

The Ecstasy of Loving God

Cool-Pastor John Crowder really loves God. It wouldn’t be indelicate to say he take-it-out-and-spray-it-on-my-chest-daddy loves God. Also, his infant daughter hunts the foreskins of Satanists. There’s really no better way to describe this book. A strange author ingests and fucks God constantly and his children stalk the night for foreskins.

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NERDING DAY

Hot Dog Year in Review: The Very Best Nerding Days of 2021 🌭

2021 was a fantastic year for nerds: you got big swingin’ dork movies, huge video game releases, and nobody stuffed you in a locker unless you had lockers in your house and married a bully – which you probably did because the sex is crazy. But most of all, you got all these prime nerding days!

Lexx

What if Star Trek had less money, no morals, and a boner? Lydia found out!

New Adventures of Megaman Part 1

A Brazilian Megaman comic? Why, that’s probably just the story of Megaman battling Cut Man and Guts Man in Portuguese, right? It certainly couldn’t be about a robot boy horny for his sister while unexplained new characters rant about local politics, right?

New Adventures of Megaman Part 2

If you were thinking the author got ahold of himself, and his urges, you didn’t learn a goddamn thing from New Adventures of Megaman Part 1.

Everyone the Wonder Twins Rescued Should be Dead II: The Drag Race

Let the whimsy of Seanbaby, inventor of being funny on the Internet, deck your halls as he adds altered words to unaltered screenshots from the hit ’80s cartoon The Super Friends! What a card! A Christmas card, that is!

The Shield

Rob Liefeld is a hard thing to explain, but the art, storytelling, laziness, derivativeness, and complete collapse of 2021’s The Shield does a pretty good job. A man who can’t draw, and doesn’t want to, made another attempt at rebooting a Captain America character, really blew it, and abandoned the project to someone who wasn’t quite sure what was going on.
Rated T
Cover price: $3.99

Categories
TEAMWORKING DAY

Hot Dog Year in Review: The Very Best Teamworking Days of 2021 🌭

In 2021, we formed the ultimate Tag Team to take down some of the mightiest comedy material. Material too dense and terrifying for one comedy writer alone, material that would rapidly age and destroy any one solo comedian who dared approach it with fear in their heart. But all of this magnificent material fell easily before our patented combo attack: The Crotch Stomp (x2). Please enjoy the very best of our Teamworking Days, all free!

Cocktails

Ron Merk had a dream: To bone as many San Francisco bartenders as he could, under the guise of making a show about them. Then a better idea came to him: A drama about the San Francisco gay club scene that quickly spirals out of control, encompassing serial killers, mimics, street samurai, and the actual devil! That dream was called Cocktails, and now we all dream it. Every night. Nothing else.

Dirty Tennis

It’s like nothing else that has ever been made– a guide to playing tennis obnoxiously for aging actors with unlimited budgets and no shame. It’s a tiny fraction of a bad idea stretched across 33 earth minutes and probably made at gunpoint. Dirty Tennis stars Dick Van Patten alongside Olympic gold medalist Caitlyn Jenner, and humankind called it “an unthinkable betrayal; we will not forgive you.”

The Thrilling World of Men Showdown

The concept was madness. The finished product was insanity. We drafted story titles from ’60s man magazines and battled them like pet monsters in a game with loose rules and even looser women. Get your eggs ready to fly down our stacks, because we are bringing back the Bitch of Bingh Kan.

Couch Potato Workout

We got through Dirty Tennis only to discover it wasn’t the only “parody” anti-instructional VHS out there. So set your burgers to cheese and fart your wife’s meatloaf ready, couch fans! It’s fart for Couch Potato Workout!

Photon

Among the stars, flower perverts and sentient poop clash in battles of laser! Photon was a game! A television program! A book series! A horror immediately forgotten by history! It’s the reason 1984 landfills were mostly safety helmet: Photon: The Ultimate Game on Planet Earth*!

* It wasn’t that or there

Categories
PUNCHING DAY

Hot Dog Year in Review: The Very Best of Punching Days 2021 🌭

This is the punchingest of all possible Punching Days, where we look back on all the best punches of 2021. There was jab! Roundhouse! Oh man, you guys remember left straight? Holy shit, uppercut – this was your year!

Lash Larue

There’s such an exciting backstory to this one, and we can’t wait to tell it. It started in the Golden Age of cinema when Hollywood whip legend, Lash Laru– CONK!

Self-Improvement, Self-Defense, Self-Help, Self-Care for Girls and Women

Liddy found a book about lady madness which ended up also being about lady martial arts after its author photocopied a different book and added it to the end of the first one. You will for be enjoying this book, book, book for girls (c) 2021 Original Books Publishing & Human Traffic.

Sister Sensei

Dave Seeger had one idea: Karate. This idea scraped against every last corner of his brain, adding elements of non-Karate to its bubbling Karate mass until all of it burst from his mind in the form of an action movie kid’s cartoon screwball comedy. It’s both everything and only Karate. It’s Sister Sensei from the creators of Karate Rap.

Unshattered Love: The Novelization of Shatterhand

A cybernetic man punches through bullets and enemies. His world explodes. A man turns his story into a book. His world also explodes. In the end, every shatter punch is a love story.

Malibu Comics’ Street Fighter – The Comic

If you’re familiar with the ’90s, you know there was no failure condition for adapting video game source material. We all agreed, as a people, if your TV show, comic book, or movie was based on a game, it could be any combination of terrible and deranged ideas. Malibu comics set out to prove that wrong and here’s the crazy thing– they did!

Categories
LEARNING DAY

Hot Dog Year in Review: The Very Best Learning Days of 2021 🌭

It’s time for our Great Annual Hot Dog Performance Review, where we look back on the year’s articles and try to gauge exactly how much we ruled this year. We scratched out the ‘weaknesses’ section on our evaluation sheet, and instead drew a picture of a lion with a mullet. Everything here kicks at least ass. At least. There was so much fine comedy in 2021 it’ll take us two weeks to get through it all. And remember, everything here has been made free! If you are trying to recruit folks into this little Hot Dog Cult, here are your weapons. 

First up, it’s Learning Day! We learned so much this year: We learned of heroes and villains, the tragic sacrifices of children and the tragic sacrifices of garage sales. We learned of the devil! We learned a lot about the devil! 

Saskatchewan Wheat Pool Adventurer’s Club

“Kids, do you like trading cards? Oh, they’re fine? Well, what about pogs? What are po– well, I guess they’re little paper coins for knocking over! Okay, how do you feel about Canadian farming superheroes? Wait, let me finish: Based on the crops themselves? Well, there’s no need for that kind of language. No, fuck YOU! Maybe you’re the pervert!”

– The most successful Saskatchewan Wheat Pool Adventurer’s Club focus group

Beezbo

From Danny Bonaduce(‘s sister), Beezbo is about an alien with impossible powers and no capacity for reason who refuses to learn several lessons on manners over the course of a supernatural rampage. “Educational,” says the box. “We have no memory of this,” says everyone involved.

The Novelization of Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen’s Navy Propaganda Film

With the full cooperation of the United States armed services, two unlicensed identical child detectives and their less qualified brother, Trent, are given full access to a weapon system that could destroy a small country. Their sister is there also! “I wish she wasn’t,” sing Mary Kate & Ashley.

How to Have a Moneymaking GARAGE SALE Starring Phyllis Diller

Setting up a yard sale can be as stressful as getting Phyllis Diller’s husband, Fang, to help with the dishes, honk! But with this tape, your garage sale will run tighter than Phyllis Diller’s last eye lift, voowooop! In no time at all you’ll turn a better profit than Phyllis Diller’s plastic surgeon, arrooga! Follow these instructions to turn old into gold like Phyllis Diller’s plastic surgeon, eewooweeeooo!

Lost Without a Compass: Neo-Paganism

Yoga and Captain Planet. Autonomy and board games. It’s up to us, Christian soldiers, to stop them all. Oh, an explanation? Well, yoga is training you for death and Captain Planet is training the children in Paganism. Choice demands a sacrifice of your babies, and board games have sharp cor– look, do you really want to hear all this or are you ready to write God a check?

Categories
TEAMWORKING DAY

Teamworking Day: Covenant Eyes

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