Category: Hot Dog Appreciation Day
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Hey, do you ever feel like you were born in a time of vast potential only to come of age right as all the doors start slamming shut? Thatâs exactly what it feels like to get in a strangerâs bitchinâ custom van!
ITâS THE 2025 HOT DOG CUSTOM VAN CONTEST!
Things are getting bad out there. But you have options! You can go to therapy. You can join an activist movement. You can watch the news on mute at the gym and try to outrun an existential breakdown. Or you can look at this fucking sweet-ass custom van.
This van has everything: A badass wizard fighting fish monsters, a bumper designed to shred dogs, a TV, a loveseat, orange shag carpeting, velvet seats with built-in arm restraints, a disco tub just large enough to drown a woman in, an undrowned woman, everything a vanmaster dreams of!
If you need more inspiration, just look at our previous yearâs van contests:
2022 Hot Dog Custom Van Contest: Gratuitous Van Service! Custom Van-Off and Panty Eating Contest
2023 Hot Dog Custom Van Contest: An Unlubricated Van Job! Custom Van-Off and Herpe Contest
2024 Hot Dog Custom Van Contest: Pull Over & Put It In! Custom Van-Off and Mustache Ride Contest
Thereâs some amazing art in there, some even more amazing crimes, and a whole lotta love that is never coming out of that shag carpeting. If youâve had enough of the speedrun of western democracy, allow yourself some self-care and design your own bitchinâ custom van! Just fill out this form below, decorate your van to best express your innermost self or lure a specific type of drifter, and send it to us!
But wait! Thereâs more! Thatâs only the beginnerâs competition. In every previous year of the Hot Dog Custom Van Contest, some lunatic has gone way overboard and built an actual, physical van to submit. Thereâs nothing we want to reward more than lunacy, so this year weâre announcing a second contest! Itâs calledâŚ
âOh, I know how to do that,â youâre saying, âme and the kids just find a weaker man with a sweeter van!â
No! That may be the unspoken rule of van succession, but weâre talking about a cute modelling competition. Just like all the best franchises when they run out of ideas, weâre going 3-D!
If you have a knack for crafts, a suspicious amount of free time, and an even more suspicious love of vanning, just click here to download the custom van model templates!
Fill out the text portions of the normal contest form as usual, then send us pictures of your bitchinâ custom van models. The winner of the 2-D contest will receive the praise and admiration of their peers. Which is worth NOTHING. The winner of the 3-D contest will win an actual, physical prize of incalculable* value!
No matter which contest you enter, just send your efforts to us at [email protected] by 12AM PST on Sunday, 2/9/25 with the subject line: âVAN PARTY!â Winners will be announced on Thursday, 2/13/25, right here on your favorite hot dog themed van website.
This custom van contest is dedicated to the memory of David Lynch.
*Incalculable does not imply positive.
Happy holidays! We got you a gift. Donât worry, you donât have to get anything for us. Weâve picked the very best Hot Dog articles of 2024 and made them free. We did this because we are generous, because we understand the need for small measures of joy in these insane times, and because this is the only way we advertise. This is what we do instead of paying for auto-playing pop-ups featuring moaning hot dogs. You are our moaning hot dogs. The best way to help is to pick one of the free articles below (not this article – this is just the collection) and share it. If your victim enjoys the madness on display, point them to our patreon for support, or our free archives for a massive collection of hundreds of free articles updating weekly. Thatâs the gift you give to us. (Itâs always a lie when somebody says you donât have to get them anything. You should know that by now.)
Clown Ministry Skits for All Seasons
Seanbabyâs massive cursed library is carefully organized and patrolled nightly. Hereâs what happens when the dividers separating his genres fail, and the Obscure Christian Inanity section interbreeds with Clown Madness.
American Eve & African Adam
Christian erotica written by an extremely racist AI. This might be the worst thing Seanbaby ever found, which is something we do not type lightly.
Prehistoric Birds in Modern Times
This one starts off with Eddie Vuittonetâs simple but enthusiastic misunderstanding of prehistoric birds, and it ends in lunatic grifter karate, sexy blender-animated action, and amateur expositional rap. The only thing we lied about is that it ends.
EMERGENCY D. SQUAD ETAL
We werenât kidding, it does not end. Eddie Vuittonetâs unique and bottomless madness continues in this crude CGI zombie vs. skanks comic book titled like an anime OVA you only half remember from a single showing on Adult Swim at 3AM in the year 2002.
Can You Guess The Fate of Puppets?
There are only a few possible fates for puppets, and a shocking amount of them are murder. The rest are manslaughter!
Happy holidays! We got you a gift. Donât worry, you donât have to get anything for us. Weâve picked the very best Hot Dog articles of 2024 and made them free. We did this because we are generous, because we understand the need for small measures of joy in these insane times, and because this is the only way we advertise. This is what we do instead of paying for auto-playing pop-ups featuring moaning hot dogs. You are our moaning hot dogs. The best way to help is to pick one of the free articles below (not this article – this is just the collection) and share it. If your victim enjoys the madness on display, point them to our patreon for support, or our free archives for a massive collection of hundreds of free articles updating weekly. Thatâs the gift you give to us. (Itâs always a lie when somebody says you donât have to get them anything. You should know that by now.)
Martini Ranch’s “Reach”
This world did not deserve Bill Paxton, the best non-problematic sweaty lunatic dirtbag Hollywood will ever produce. This is the obscure music video for his vanity band, the one that just happened to be produced, directed, and starring a host of prestigious future Oscar winners.
The (Devil’s) Workshop
Raging comic book maniac Craig Stormon is a favorite in Brockwayâs stable of raging maniacs â if not for the unhinged editorials where Craig sets out to make enemies of everyone he ever worked with, then for his unabashed child-like horniness. Find both in The (Devilâs) Workshop!
Finding Peak Hunk with the Fabulous Ones
The classical hunk has largely receded from this world, and thatâs a tragedy. Perhaps if we can find the exact high water mark of hunk saturation, we can restore the natural balance of quivering buns to sudden headturns with coy expressions.
The Martial Artists Book of the Occult
S Rob, the mystical British internet grifter, is another pillar of Brockwayâs raging maniac stable. So when he found out S Rob wrote a mystical kung-fu manual, Brockway clapped a little bit and ran a lap around the house just to get the giggles out.
Kidz Water Hydrators
Thereâs nothing the â90s loved more than a branded promotional tie-in comic. They made those for everything from fast food to video games to⌠water? Child water? Meet the superhero team based on monetizing child dehydration!
Happy holidays! We got you a gift. Donât worry, you donât have to get anything for us. Weâve picked the very best Hot Dog articles of 2024 and made them free. We did this because we are generous, because we understand the need for small measures of joy in these insane times, and because this is the only way we advertise. This is what we do instead of paying for auto-playing pop-ups featuring moaning hot dogs. You are our moaning hot dogs. The best way to help is to pick one of the free articles below (not this article – this is just the collection) and share it. If your victim enjoys the madness on display, point them to our patreon for support, or our free archives for a massive collection of hundreds of free articles updating weekly. Thatâs the gift you give to us. (Itâs always a lie when somebody says you donât have to get them anything. You should know that by now.)
Punsteria
The idea behind Teamworking Day is that some artifacts are simply too cursed to tackle alone. Itâs like The Drift in Pacific Rim, a reference everyone understands and values. When somebody tried to teach a faulty AI how to make grade school puns and then removed all the safety measures, it took Seanbaby and Brockway working in tandem just to spread out the psychic damage to non-lethal levels.
The Austin Powers Collectible Card Game
There were Austin Powers trading cards. Thatâs not surprising. Everything had a trading card in the â90s. Whatâs surprising is these were part of a functional CCG. Yeah, Baby! Weâre not saying âyeah, baby!â Weâre playing Yeah, Baby! Somebody gave gameplay stats to the phrase âyeah, baby!â
Captain Al Cohol
In the 1970s, the Canadian government needed to address the problem of rampant alcoholism among its indigenous people. They knew they needed to do this sensitively, by making a comic book. That was already a bad idea, and then they created the worldâs first alcoholic superhero. Then they made him white. And then they had him crash a snowmobile into a telephone pole.
Muryo Waza
Thereâs nothing more Hot Dog than a maniac writing a kung-fu manual. Except maybe if that Kung-fu manual is also based on unlikely animals, obscure clip-art, and clocks, clocks, clocks.
Double Red Lucky
Your life is a mess, and thatâs because youâre not drinking enough Good Life Forever Happy Floor Wash and Foot Antiseptic. Only every third item in the Double Red Lucky catalog can save you.