Category: Hot Dog Appreciation Day

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Hot Dog Appreciation Day

Custom Van Contest 2025 Announcement

Hey, do you ever feel like you were born in a time of vast potential only to come of age right as all the doors start slamming shut? That’s exactly what it feels like to get in a stranger’s bitchin’ custom van!

IT’S THE 2025 HOT DOG CUSTOM VAN CONTEST!

Things are getting bad out there. But you have options! You can go to therapy. You can join an activist movement. You can watch the news on mute at the gym and try to outrun an existential breakdown. Or you can look at this fucking sweet-ass custom van.

This van has everything: A badass wizard fighting fish monsters, a bumper designed to shred dogs, a TV, a loveseat, orange shag carpeting, velvet seats with built-in arm restraints, a disco tub just large enough to drown a woman in, an undrowned woman, everything a vanmaster dreams of!

If you need more inspiration, just look at our previous year’s van contests:

2022 Hot Dog Custom Van Contest: Gratuitous Van Service! Custom Van-Off and Panty Eating Contest

2023 Hot Dog Custom Van Contest: An Unlubricated Van Job! Custom Van-Off and Herpe Contest

2024 Hot Dog Custom Van Contest: Pull Over & Put It In! Custom Van-Off and Mustache Ride Contest

There’s some amazing art in there, some even more amazing crimes, and a whole lotta love that is never coming out of that shag carpeting. If you’ve had enough of the speedrun of western democracy, allow yourself some self-care and design your own bitchin’ custom van! Just fill out this form below, decorate your van to best express your innermost self or lure a specific type of drifter, and send it to us!

But wait! There’s more! That’s only the beginner’s competition. In every previous year of the Hot Dog Custom Van Contest, some lunatic has gone way overboard and built an actual, physical van to submit. There’s nothing we want to reward more than lunacy, so this year we’re announcing a second contest! It’s called…

“Oh, I know how to do that,” you’re saying, “me and the kids just find a weaker man with a sweeter van!”

No! That may be the unspoken rule of van succession, but we’re talking about a cute modelling competition. Just like all the best franchises when they run out of ideas, we’re going 3-D!

If you have a knack for crafts, a suspicious amount of free time, and an even more suspicious love of vanning, just click here to download the custom van model templates!

Fill out the text portions of the normal contest form as usual, then send us pictures of your bitchin’ custom van models. The winner of the 2-D contest will receive the praise and admiration of their peers. Which is worth NOTHING. The winner of the 3-D contest will win an actual, physical prize of incalculable* value!

No matter which contest you enter, just send your efforts to us at [email protected] by 12AM PST on Sunday, 2/9/25 with the subject line: “VAN PARTY!” Winners will be announced on Thursday, 2/13/25, right here on your favorite hot dog themed van website.

This custom van contest is dedicated to the memory of David Lynch.

*Incalculable does not imply positive.

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Hot Dog Appreciation Day

Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Let’s Grift Pippen!

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Hot Dog Appreciation Day

Best of 2024 – Seanbaby🌭

Happy holidays! We got you a gift. Don’t worry, you don’t have to get anything for us. We’ve picked the very best Hot Dog articles of 2024 and made them free. We did this because we are generous, because we understand the need for small measures of joy in these insane times, and because this is the only way we advertise. This is what we do instead of paying for auto-playing pop-ups featuring moaning hot dogs. You are our moaning hot dogs. The best way to help is to pick one of the free articles below (not this article – this is just the collection) and share it. If your victim enjoys the madness on display, point them to our patreon for support, or our free archives for a massive collection of hundreds of free articles updating weekly. That’s the gift you give to us. (It’s always a lie when somebody says you don’t have to get them anything. You should know that by now.)

Clown Ministry Skits for All Seasons

Seanbaby’s massive cursed library is carefully organized and patrolled nightly. Here’s what happens when the dividers separating his genres fail, and the Obscure Christian Inanity section interbreeds with Clown Madness.

American Eve & African Adam

Christian erotica written by an extremely racist AI. This might be the worst thing Seanbaby ever found, which is something we do not type lightly.

Prehistoric Birds in Modern Times

This one starts off with Eddie Vuittonet’s simple but enthusiastic misunderstanding of prehistoric birds, and it ends in lunatic grifter karate, sexy blender-animated action, and amateur expositional rap. The only thing we lied about is that it ends.

EMERGENCY D. SQUAD ETAL

We weren’t kidding, it does not end. Eddie Vuittonet’s unique and bottomless madness continues in this crude CGI zombie vs. skanks comic book titled like an anime OVA you only half remember from a single showing on Adult Swim at 3AM in the year 2002.

Can You Guess The Fate of Puppets?

There are only a few possible fates for puppets, and a shocking amount of them are murder. The rest are manslaughter!

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Hot Dog Appreciation Day

Best of 2024 – Brockway🌭

Happy holidays! We got you a gift. Don’t worry, you don’t have to get anything for us. We’ve picked the very best Hot Dog articles of 2024 and made them free. We did this because we are generous, because we understand the need for small measures of joy in these insane times, and because this is the only way we advertise. This is what we do instead of paying for auto-playing pop-ups featuring moaning hot dogs. You are our moaning hot dogs. The best way to help is to pick one of the free articles below (not this article – this is just the collection) and share it. If your victim enjoys the madness on display, point them to our patreon for support, or our free archives for a massive collection of hundreds of free articles updating weekly. That’s the gift you give to us. (It’s always a lie when somebody says you don’t have to get them anything. You should know that by now.)

Martini Ranch’s “Reach”

This world did not deserve Bill Paxton, the best non-problematic sweaty lunatic dirtbag Hollywood will ever produce. This is the obscure music video for his vanity band, the one that just happened to be produced, directed, and starring a host of prestigious future Oscar winners.

The (Devil’s) Workshop

Raging comic book maniac Craig Stormon is a favorite in Brockway’s stable of raging maniacs – if not for the unhinged editorials where Craig sets out to make enemies of everyone he ever worked with, then for his unabashed child-like horniness. Find both in The (Devil’s) Workshop!

Finding Peak Hunk with the Fabulous Ones

The classical hunk has largely receded from this world, and that’s a tragedy. Perhaps if we can find the exact high water mark of hunk saturation, we can restore the natural balance of quivering buns to sudden headturns with coy expressions.

The Martial Artists Book of the Occult

S Rob, the mystical British internet grifter, is another pillar of Brockway’s raging maniac stable. So when he found out S Rob wrote a mystical kung-fu manual, Brockway clapped a little bit and ran a lap around the house just to get the giggles out.

Kidz Water Hydrators

There’s nothing the ‘90s loved more than a branded promotional tie-in comic. They made those for everything from fast food to video games to… water? Child water? Meet the superhero team based on monetizing child dehydration!

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Hot Dog Appreciation Day

Best of 2024 – Teamworking🌭

Happy holidays! We got you a gift. Don’t worry, you don’t have to get anything for us. We’ve picked the very best Hot Dog articles of 2024 and made them free. We did this because we are generous, because we understand the need for small measures of joy in these insane times, and because this is the only way we advertise. This is what we do instead of paying for auto-playing pop-ups featuring moaning hot dogs. You are our moaning hot dogs. The best way to help is to pick one of the free articles below (not this article – this is just the collection) and share it. If your victim enjoys the madness on display, point them to our patreon for support, or our free archives for a massive collection of hundreds of free articles updating weekly. That’s the gift you give to us. (It’s always a lie when somebody says you don’t have to get them anything. You should know that by now.)

Punsteria

The idea behind Teamworking Day is that some artifacts are simply too cursed to tackle alone. It’s like The Drift in Pacific Rim, a reference everyone understands and values. When somebody tried to teach a faulty AI how to make grade school puns and then removed all the safety measures, it took Seanbaby and Brockway working in tandem just to spread out the psychic damage to non-lethal levels.

The Austin Powers Collectible Card Game

There were Austin Powers trading cards. That’s not surprising. Everything had a trading card in the ‘90s. What’s surprising is these were part of a functional CCG. Yeah, Baby! We’re not saying “yeah, baby!” We’re playing Yeah, Baby! Somebody gave gameplay stats to the phrase “yeah, baby!”

Captain Al Cohol

In the 1970s, the Canadian government needed to address the problem of rampant alcoholism among its indigenous people. They knew they needed to do this sensitively, by making a comic book. That was already a bad idea, and then they created the world’s first alcoholic superhero. Then they made him white. And then they had him crash a snowmobile into a telephone pole.

Muryo Waza

There’s nothing more Hot Dog than a maniac writing a kung-fu manual. Except maybe if that Kung-fu manual is also based on unlikely animals, obscure clip-art, and clocks, clocks, clocks.

Double Red Lucky

Your life is a mess, and that’s because you’re not drinking enough Good Life Forever Happy Floor Wash and Foot Antiseptic. Only every third item in the Double Red Lucky catalog can save you.

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Hot Dog Appreciation Day

Best of 2024 – Dennard🌭

Happy holidays! We got you a gift. Don’t worry, you don’t have to get anything for us. We’ve picked the very best Hot Dog articles of 2024 and made them free. We did this because we are generous, because we understand the need for small measures of joy in these insane times, and because this is the only way we advertise. This is what we do instead of paying for auto-playing pop-ups featuring moaning hot dogs. You are our moaning hot dogs. The best way to help is to pick one of the free articles below (not this article – this is just the collection) and share it. If your victim enjoys the madness on display, point them to our patreon for support, or our free archives for a massive collection of hundreds of free articles updating weekly. That’s the gift you give to us. (It’s always a lie when somebody says you don’t have to get them anything. You should know that by now.)

The Confederate Alphabet

Dennard’s articles operate at such a high and dense level of comedy, there’s always something we have to Google just to get a punchline he tosses off easily. He knows this, and that’s why he leaves traps like The Confederate Alphabet. If you Google anything in this article, you are automatically placed on a domestic terrorism list. But he’s not getting us this time, we’re sidestepping this article about deeply racist revisionist history for children entirely…

Jim Limber Davis, A Black Orphan in the Confederate White House

And landing straight in this one. God damn you, Dennard! You magnificent bastard!

The Book of Vile Darkness

Dungeons & Dragons once tried to go full edgelord, and Dennard was there to call them all nerds. Well, bigger nerds than usual.

The LXD

Quick, what’s the only thing that could have fixed The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? If you answered “superpowered breakdancing to the death” you are having a medical emergency and you need to seek help. You are also correct, but that’s the least of your worries right now.

The Otaku Box

Dennard made the ultimate sacrifice and ordered the most cringeworthy loot box service on the internet. Then he went out into public and took pictures of himself opening it. Take note, Christian summer camps: Prayer doesn’t do shit, this is how you restore virginity.